Joke:-Three men in Heaven

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
11/11/2011 11:55

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven.



St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven".



The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.



The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I stilll love her." He gets a mustang and drives off into heaven.



The next guy came up and said, "I cheated on my wife alot". He gets a scooter.



Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying.



He asked, "Why are you crying you have such a nice car?!" and the man sobbed, "My wife just went by on roller skates".

...................................................................................................

Its old I know but it made me smile

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
11/11/2011 12:11

. When I win the lottery I intend to get myself a Bentley, a Mercedes for my wife, a Ferrari each for all of my children and a Jaguar for my mother in law (I hope it shreds her to bits) !

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
11/11/2011 12:17

A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up

to the Counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.

The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing.

We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a

chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to

drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The

hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort

the young ladies on their Overseas holidays. The Salary package is

£200,000 a year'.

The Scouser said 'You're bullshitting me!'

The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
11/11/2011 12:18

Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a

suspicious object was discovered in a car.

It later turned out to be a tax disk

Jovial_John


Joined: 31/01/2009
Posts: 1024

Message Posted:
11/11/2011 13:43

2 women standing in line to be greeted by St. Peter. One says "This is a bit of a shock to be dead - it was the last thing I was expecting". She continues "So what happened to you then??" to which the other woman replies "I froze to death and she in turn continues "What about you??"

"Well" said the first woman "I was so sure my husband was cheating on me - he was entertaining his girlfriend at our house while I was at work". "So I decided to catch them at it and I went home unexpectedly in the afternoon". "I charged into the house and ran up to the bedroom where my husband was in bed undressed but alone". "Right" I thought "She's here somewhere". "So I charged around the house, I looked in every room, in the garage, in all the cupboards and I got so upset I had a heart attack". "Hmmmmmmmmmmm" said the other "a pity you didn't look in the freezer and then we'd both still be alive".

JohhnyLee


Joined: 25/04/2009
Posts: 2495

Message Posted:
11/11/2011 13:44

Very good guys, You made me laugh. Even though I'd heard No 4 many times before.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
11/11/2011 14:11

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke 

said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
11/11/2011 14:12

I was in an art store the other day looking for some pencils.

I couldn't decide on what pencils to buy. 

2b or not 2b, was the question

butchcrusader


Joined: 08/11/2011
Posts: 41

Message Posted:
11/11/2011 15:04

no1 doyen



Your a wasted talent, have you ever thought of contacting a christmas cracker company.