Are you OLD?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 13:50

25 Signs that you are getting Old.



1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 a.m . is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”

10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don’t know what time the Pub closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead o

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 13:51

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A £3.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good *****.”

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh ***** what the hell!”

The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 13:53

Oh no I'm old.

P

ROBnJO


Joined: 30/06/2008
Posts: 1289

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 13:54

You have to lean on the wall to put your underwear on!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 13:54

The-Wicks. Don't worry it'll pass

ROBnJO


Joined: 30/06/2008
Posts: 1289

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 13:55

You never trust a fart! ;-(

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 13:55

ROBnJO - Now I've got visions of you doing just that

mikelapta



Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 2186

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 13:56

This does not apply to me ladies,another 10 years maybe





Never pass a toilet

Never trust a fart

Never waste an erection

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 13:57

The little old gray haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.

simbas



Joined: 16/07/2007
Posts: 5943

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 13:58

I did'nt think i was old until i answered the questions ....... oh what the hell , yeh i'm old , but i'm still partying.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 13:58

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 13:59

You wear black socks with sandals.

ROBnJO


Joined: 30/06/2008
Posts: 1289

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 14:02

You become invisible to young people.

gillken


Joined: 25/05/2008
Posts: 521

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 14:02

I'm not old.



Grow old disgracefully, thats what I say.

fredred


Joined: 09/12/2007
Posts: 89

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 14:04

Now I am depressed

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 14:04

You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 14:05

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio

ROBnJO


Joined: 30/06/2008
Posts: 1289

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 14:10

You look for a 'Bogof' at Tesco for Anusol.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 14:11

Eh? I thought you asked if I was cold....



You know when you are really old when...



Your ears pick up Corrie without aid of a 4.2 metre dish.... but you don't understand what anyone is talking about...



Your eyes can see Turkey but you can't see to read the paper....



You call members of your family the late something or other and it's not just because they are tardy as usual...



You wear a hat whilst driving your car even though it's not raining in there



You stop at every roundabout and try to remember just who does have right of way... (makes no difference here anyway)



You get to the shops and remember that your shopping list is at home...



The dog smells better than you do....

joandjelly


Joined: 24/02/2008
Posts: 2953

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 14:25

No.1 msg 12 - you should be locked up for that!

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 14:29

ROBnJo



Msg 18



And then you mistake it for pate.....

McSteviet



Joined: 11/05/2007
Posts: 1089

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 14:37

nope!!



Mc

ROBnJO


Joined: 30/06/2008
Posts: 1289

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 15:25

Groucho



If there's salad and the toast is warm,...



most older guests are more than happy!

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 15:41

I've been making my own quick pate...



The chicken livers here are so cheap and it takes 30 mins tops and no baking..

On melba toast superb..



...and no I don't stick it up my b*m!

Treesy


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 406

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 15:44

Groucho



can you give me the recipe please??????

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 15:46

Pate Culo. Now there's a thought!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 16:33

When getting lucky means you find your car in the car park.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 16:34

There's nothing left to learn the hard way

Skogsy


Joined: 15/05/2008
Posts: 339

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 19:15

You have a chair in your shed and a favorite stick for stirring paint.

Skogs

Skogsy


Joined: 15/05/2008
Posts: 339

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 19:19

Oh! And you learn that there are loads more things that go in Jam Jars than Jam!

Beer time

Skogs

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 19:20

Skogsy



Bugger! that's me identified...



I think John Mayer's song Stop This Train about getting old says it all...



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-e1FHJkVoFE&feature=related

pilgrim



Joined: 11/05/2007
Posts: 1404

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 19:26

not us, still rockin

Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
Posts: 2135

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 21:31

Wait till you do get a bit older Groucho/Skogsy and you will find some of your comments do actually come true.My late father in law had a great idea for jam jars.He used to nail the lid to the underside of a shelf in his garage and put different things in them,and if you asked him for a certain item he could tell you exactly which jar it was in.He died when he was 90...and that IS old..

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
02/12/2008 23:01

Trish will do but not on this oldies thread...

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 08:27

You are never old, only Older...........

simbas



Joined: 16/07/2007
Posts: 5943

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 08:34

Morning jock .

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 08:46

Morning pat.

keithcaley



Joined: 13/06/2008
Posts: 2521

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 09:17

When you wake up in the middle of the night and remember the name of someone you met 20 years ago.

When you have your own recipe for Pate...

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 09:26

You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.

come_on_aylin


Joined: 14/06/2008
Posts: 908

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 10:01

You walk into a room to do something but when you get there can't for the life of you remember what it was. 2 days later you remember.



Happens to me all the time!

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 10:21

Yeah she remembers she was going to have a sleep...



Ha ha...

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 10:54

You buy a compass for the dashboard of your car.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 10:56

And forget where the car is... again!

hattikins


Joined: 17/02/2008
Posts: 2793

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 10:56

You buy trainers with velcro fastenings

keithcaley



Joined: 13/06/2008
Posts: 2521

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 11:00

Hattikins

Where from?



Yeah, ok Groucho - From where?

gibson335


Joined: 01/11/2008
Posts: 325

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 11:19

When it takes you allnight to do what you used to do all night!!!



(I know it's old but still good

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 11:23

Your ears are hairier than your head.

hattikins


Joined: 17/02/2008
Posts: 2793

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 11:38

When your arms are not long enough for you to read the newspaper, think about it.

Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
Posts: 2135

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 13:29

When you can find your mobile phone so you use the house phone to ring the mobile and trackit down eventually by following the ringing tone and find its in your coat upstairs in the wardrobe...

The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 16:47

You know your old when:-

You & your teeth don't sleep together

You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your sock & then find your not wearing any

Your back goes out & you stay in

The names in your address book starts Dr

You sink your teeth into a steak & they stay there

Everything aches & what doesn't ache- doesn't work

P

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 17:11

You watch countdown and actually join in!

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 17:43

Keith...



From whence?

bachelibelly


Joined: 04/09/2008
Posts: 275

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 19:09

As i was leaving tha local ATM the other day an elderly lady asked me if i could help her check her balance, so i pushed her over !!!!

keithcaley



Joined: 13/06/2008
Posts: 2521

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 19:32

message 52

Aaaaarrgh!

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
03/12/2008 19:53

Actually Keith it's a bit of tautology to say "from whence" as whence means "from where" even without the superfluous "from". I am surprised you didn't pick me up on this...



Ha ha ;¬)