Favourite Only Fools & Horses episode and quote

ozwozz86


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 336

Message Posted:
04/12/2008 22:50

Come on people, Christmas is fast approaching, lets hear your favourite quotes and episodes from the BEST British comedy of all time.



Favourite episode has got to be the Jolly Boys Outing(among plenty of others). Favourite quote is more difficult. Far too many; isn't that right you plonker!?

RedSnapper


Joined: 12/08/2008
Posts: 540

Message Posted:
04/12/2008 22:53

"How long you had that brush now Trigger"? Twelve years Del but it`s had seven new handles and ten new heads....

ozwozz86


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 336

Message Posted:
04/12/2008 22:57

''This time next year we'll be millionaires'' Del



''This time last week we we were millionaires!'' Rodney

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
04/12/2008 22:58

Redsnapper, you beat me to it! I love the "bar" episode and the "chadelier" blooming hillarious!

RedSnapper


Joined: 12/08/2008
Posts: 540

Message Posted:
04/12/2008 22:59

Ready with the chandelier Grandad? Yes Del, hit it now...

ozwozz86


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 336

Message Posted:
04/12/2008 23:05

Rodney

No, no, no, nothing like that,no, we're - we're going into the self-catering holiday trade.



Del

Cor, what on 200 nicker?



Rodney

Yeah well, we're starting in a small way.



Grandad

What you got, a Wendy House?



priceless

smithy


Joined: 17/07/2008
Posts: 5301

Message Posted:
04/12/2008 23:10

my favourite is when they turn up for a funeral, in fancy dress

ozwozz86


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 336

Message Posted:
04/12/2008 23:15

''Don't spill ketchup down your shirt Rodney'' Cassandra, The unlucky winner is...

newlad



Joined: 02/03/2008
Posts: 7819

Message Posted:
04/12/2008 23:19

When Damien was born and Del was asked "what is it Del" and he replied "its a baby" class.

RedSnapper


Joined: 12/08/2008
Posts: 540

Message Posted:
04/12/2008 23:30

the time they came out of the mist dressed as Batman and Robin on the way to the fancy dress and saved the council woman from a mugging.

ozwozz86


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 336

Message Posted:
04/12/2008 23:34

Boycie, referring to parking his car on the Peckham estate with all the muggers about. ''They'd have the wheels of a jumbo if it flew low enough!''

RedSnapper


Joined: 12/08/2008
Posts: 540

Message Posted:
04/12/2008 23:41

The Xmas special where they walked off into the glowing sunset after selling the watch at auction for a couple of mill, great feel good factor!!

w26kay



Joined: 14/10/2007
Posts: 479

Message Posted:
04/12/2008 23:47

Del falling through the hatch at the wine bar. A classic!

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008

(Talking about naming Del's baby)

Trigger: If it's a girl they're gonna name it Sigourney, after the actress. And if it's a boy they're gonna name him Rodney, after Dave.

ozwozz86


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 336

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 00:02

Also from Damian's birth episode.



Rodney, referring to the gender of baby,''Del, they said anything about the sex?''



Del, referring to Raquel,''Give her time Rodney, give her time''

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 00:06

Uncle Albert: Your name Rodney, son?

Rodney: Well, it is when Trigger's not about!

RedSnapper


Joined: 12/08/2008
Posts: 540

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 00:07

ice and oz ii`d 4goten about those two , i`m sat here creasing maself!

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 00:12

Uncle Albert: Is that the radio I hear, Rodney?

Rodney: No, Elton John popped in and he's rehearsing in the kitchen!

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 00:14

Rodney: If there is such a thing as reincarnation, knowing my luck I'll come back as me.

bear 1



Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 65

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 00:15

As Del is trying to avoid jumping off the cliff on a hang glider. "Is that the car phone I can hear Rodney" Rodney replies "We havn't got a car phone Del"

hattikins


Joined: 17/02/2008
Posts: 2793

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 00:21

As Raquel is in labour Del says, " come on girl, give it some wellie"

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 00:21

Rodney: (they've just bought boxes of dolls and Rodney is reading the item description) Del, these dolls aren't called Barbie or Sindy. These dolls are called Lusty Linda and Erotic Estelle.

Del Boy: You can't get dolls with names like that.

Rodney: You can if you go to the right shops, Del!

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 00:23

Del Boy: What're you doing?

Grandad: I'm trying to get the Dukes of Hazzard.

Del Boy: The Dukes of... That is a microwave oven, you dozy old twonk! Gordon Bennett, you'll be putting frozen pizzas into the portable next!

ozwozz86


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 336

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 00:24

haha quality.



Mike and Boycie discuss Albert's singing at The Nag's Head Party. Mike: Why does he keep doing it, eh?

Boycie: Gawd knows. I suppose at some time in is life someone told him he could play the piano.

Mike: Yeah, but I'd like to meet the git who told him he could sing!

ozwozz86


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 336

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 00:27

Del on his dads return for Christmas



It's a right blinding Christmas this has turned out to be init. I mean some people get wise men bearing gifts. We get a wolly with a disease

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 00:31

Grandad: (talking to the Police) Rodney's got a police record!

Del Boy: (quickly) Yes, er... it's "Walking on the Moon".

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 00:33

Del Boy: Who are you after? Oh, not the Gruesome Twosome. They're so ugly they even look alike.

Rodney: They happen to be two sisters.

Del Boy: Oh, sisters?

(to women)

Del Boy: Hey, girls, seen much of Cinderella since the wedding?

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 00:37

Boycie: Where d'you get those aces from?

Del Boy: Same place you got those kings. I always knew you were cheating, Boycie.

Boycie: Yeah, how?

Del Boy: 'Cause that wasn't the hand that I dealt you.

japal


Joined: 12/08/2008
Posts: 89

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 01:17

Uncle Albert " Leave it to me Del I learnt German during the war" ..."OK love vot is your name"

RedSnapper


Joined: 12/08/2008
Posts: 540

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 01:22

when the dodgy radio sets the coach alight on the Bognor trip and it explodes in the background whilst dels in the phone box...

newscoop


Joined: 23/12/2007
Posts: 2197

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 07:49

Chandelier, wine bar, fancy dress party which became a wake.



Del and Rodders as Batman and Robin



"what did you come as Trigger?"



" a chauffer"



priceless!

cooper


Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 3386

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 08:19

Here's a few of the clips mentioned above - http://www.cyprus44.com/forums/8030.asp



Priceless



Cooper

gooligan


Joined: 30/01/2007
Posts: 1591

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 08:26

Rodney..You mean to say you was running guns in the middle of a civil war?



Grandad....Well thats the best time to do it Rodney.



Class.

Cyprusunday


Joined: 16/06/2008
Posts: 53

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 08:54

"How long you had that brush now Trigger"? Twelve years Del but it`s had seven new handles and ten new heads.... "



This was first used in Open all Hours, same writing team if I remember

teatime


Joined: 20/10/2008
Posts: 852

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 09:02

After a knock at the door.

"Who's there"

"Knock,Knock"

teatime


Joined: 20/10/2008
Posts: 852

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 09:04

One of my favourite episodes is when Del finds Rachel a singing partner and they sing Cwying.

The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 10:08

"Rodney, I've just done the loop-de-loop over Dymchurch" From the one where Del has to hang glide.

P

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 10:38

Trigger is at the Trotter flat, Rodney is listening to classical music and Del walks in.



Trigger: Ain't there any words to this, Dave?

Rodney: Words? No... no words. Sorta instrumental.

Del: What's this?!

Trigger: It's Mozart's Concerto in D Major. It's the karaoke version.

ozwozz86


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 336

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 11:59

Rodney: Are you all right, Del? I thought you was in bother!

Del Boy: That's why it took you an hour and a half to come! Didn't Grandad tell you that I'd called?

Rodney: Oh yeah, he told me! "Del Boy's been captured by the Indians!" he said. I didn't know whether to call the police or the Texas Rangers!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 12:09

Del comments on Grandad's cooking

Del says; Tough? Tough? It's the toughest chicken I've ever known. It's asked me for a fight in the car park twice!

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 12:38

Denzil, Del and Trigger are removing the drums off Grandad's allotment.



Denzil: This could be anything , Trig! For all we we know this could be... Well, this could be bloody Concorde fuel!

Del: No, honest, its not Concorde fuel, it's anti-freeze from the Starship Enterprise!

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 12:40

Mike and Trigger are putting Harry the driver back on the coach.



Trigger: What d'you think's wrong with him?

Mike: What do I think? Well, snow-blindness would be my bet, Trig.

Trigger: Yeah? I thought he was pissed.

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 12:42

Del and Rodney are in France on their way to Uncle Albert's reunion.



Del: One of my most favouritist meals is Duck à l'Orange, but I don't know how to say that in French.

Rodney: It's canard.

Del: You can say that again bruv!

Rodney: No the French word for duck is canard.

Del: Is it? I thought that was something to do with the QE2?

Rodney: No that's Cunard. They're the ones with the boats and what have you. The French for duck is canard.

Del: Right lovely jubbly. Right, so how do the French say à l'Orange then?

Rodney: A l'Orange!

Del: What, the same as we do?

Rodney: Yes

Del: Oh dear, it's a pity they don't use more of our words innit eh?

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 12:44

Del, Trigger and Mike are in The Nag's Head trying to convince Rodney that there are people worse off.



Del: Never give up on people, Rodney. I know that most of the time they don't seem to understand. But when you're in trouble and you cry out for help, some will always be there. Trigger's cousin Cyril's a perfect example. He owed 500 quid on his mortgage.

Trigger: They were gonna be thrown out on the street the following day. he was very worried about it.

Mike: So what happened Trig?

Trigger: He drove out to Beachy Head. Parked about five foot from the edge of the cliff.

Albert: What, he was gonna drive off it?

Trigger: Yeah! He just sat there for a couple of hours, his head resting on the steering wheel. People tried to talk to him out of it but he was too depressed to listen.

Del: But then, and this is the what I mean about people, Rodney, they had a whip-round and got him his 500 quid.

Rodney: No! Who held the whip-round?

Del: All the passengers on the bus

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 12:54

Boycie and Del reminisce at The Nag's Head.



Boycie: I remember a few years back when I had that important client coming over from Belgium and I was trying to get tickets to Wimbledon to impress him. You said 'Leave it to me Boycie, I gotta contact at Wimbledon'.

Del: I got you two tickets!

Raquel: That's right! They drew nil-nil with Ipswich!

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 13:05

Michelle: (asking Rodney which tennis turf he likes playing on) What do you prefer? Astroturf or grass?

Rodney: I don't know, I've never smoked astroturf!

ozwozz86


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 336

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 13:11

Jolly Boys Outing



Sid: I run a cafe, so why didn't you ask me to make the sandwiches?

Del: The explanation is simple. We intend to eat them.

ozwozz86


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 336

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 13:14

Albert: During the...

Del: If you say "During the war..." once more, I'm gonna pour this cup of tea right over your head!

Albert: I wasn't gonna say during the war...!

Del: Well that's alright then.

Albert: Bloody little know-it-all.

Del: Alright, sorry.

Albert: Thank you. During the 1939-1945 conflict with Germany...

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 13:19

Raquel answers the door at the Trotter flat to greet Boycie.



Raquel: Hello Boycie. I suppose I've got to ask you in?

Boycie: Yes. I'd like to get away as quick as possible. I've left my Mercedes parked downstairs and you know what they're like on this estate. They'd have the wheels off a Jumbo if it flew too low

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 13:41

Del Boy: I'll have a Malibu & tonic with some lime and half a lager, please, darling.

Maureen (bar maid): In the same glass?

Del Boy: No, in separate glasses if you don't mind.

Maureen (bar maid): Well, I don't know, do I? Might have been one of your erotic cocktails, Del.

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 13:43

Marlene: Did you have a nice Christmas?

Del Boy: Oh, terrific, yeah.

Marlene: I had a dog.

Rodney: Yeah? We had a turkey, same as every other year.

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 13:45

Uncle Albert: I can't swim, Del.

Del Boy: You used to be a sailor.

Uncle Albert: Don't mean a thing. Nelson couldn't swim.

Del Boy: Of course he couldn't. He only had one bloody arm. He would have gone around in circles, wouldn't he?

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 13:46

Father O'Keith: So to what do I owe this honour?

Del Boy: I have come to confess my sins.

Father O'Keith: Del, please! I've been invited out to dinner this evening

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 13:52

(Rodney can't go to Australia because of his drug conviction, yet Del is still keen to go without him, much to Rodney's chagrin)



Del Boy: Don't you think I've sacrificed enough for you?!

Rodney: Sacrifices? For me?

Del Boy: Yes you, when dear Mum, Gawd rest her soul, when she died...

Rodney: Don't start again.

Del Boy: When she died, who stood by you?

Rodney: Yes, I remember that well. I was a little 5-year-old stood in a damp graveyard wondering what the hole in the ground was for, I remember all the other people saying "I wonder what's gonna happen to poor little Rodney?" But I had no need to fear, did I, 'cos suddenly a vision appeared from beyond the silhouette of the gasworks. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Del Boy! Da da da daad! "I, Del Boy, will look after this small waif. I will bring him up in the ways of Del Boy. He will sell iffy watches from old suitcases on street corners. And I will also teach him to drive a three-wheeled van whilst pissed out of his

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 13:58

Rodney: Yes, I remember that well. I was a little 5-year-old stood in a damp graveyard wondering what the hole in the ground was for, I remember all the other people saying "I wonder what's gonna happen to poor little Rodney?" But I had no need to fear, did I, 'cos suddenly a vision appeared from beyond the silhouette of the gasworks. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Del Boy! Da da da daad! "I, Del Boy, will look after this small waif. I will bring him up in the ways of Del Boy. He will sell iffy watches from old suitcases on street corners. And I will also teach him to drive a three-wheeled van whilst pissed out of his skull!"

Del Boy: And I did, didn't I?

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 13:59

(It is indeed Rodney leading the funeral prosession in full Chief Mourner's gear he looks up and sees Del)



Rodney: You git. You rotten GIT! You never told me my new jobb was a CHIEF MOURNER!!!

Del: Rodney, please show some respect.

arrry



Joined: 19/08/2008
Posts: 1235

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 14:27

Come on Ieman stop sitting on the fence !!



Do you like Only Fools ......or not !!!!! lol

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 14:49

I love "Only Fools & Horses" but they are second in my list of favorites...



First is Fawlty Towers....pity they only made 12 episodes.

rammell


Joined: 27/10/2008
Posts: 3

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 19:09

I was lucky enough to work in the studio on fools for six or so years, one of the most difficult scenes to record was when Del went for a heart check up.

Doctor to Del; Do you have any trouble passing water?

Del; I once got a bit giddy driving over Battersea bridge.

Everybody knew the line was coming but that still couldn't stop cast and crew laughing before it was delivered. Happy days.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 19:17

Iceman. You must have seen every episode. I'm nominating you for the "DelRod award for services to the Trotters". Well Done

The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 19:47

Iceman - message 56:

"DEL... I look like a wand"

J

keithcaley



Joined: 13/06/2008
Posts: 2521

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 20:01

No1Doyen

SEEN 'em?

I think he's learnt 'em by heart!

The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 20:14

Iceman - I will concede that you are, in fact, the King of Fools and Horses. Has there ever been a better comedy on TV? I don't think so! I must have seen each episode about a thousand times and I still watch the bloody repeats on GOLD.

Best wishes

J

iceman


Joined: 15/08/2008
Posts: 724

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 21:17

Yeah,thanx to SKY repeats on GOLD i still watch time and time over again and enjoy them as much as i did the first time..



Must remember to record the top 30 funniest clips on CD this year.



But i have to admit i did not memorize all the quaotes above,i only copy pasted them from websites on the net..

keithcaley



Joined: 13/06/2008
Posts: 2521

Message Posted:
05/12/2008 22:08

You're only SAYING that iceman. WE know that you quoted them from memory...