neg nick "joke of the week"

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 07:28

has been cancelled, due to the lack of sense of humour of people on this board..............

Jefferson


Joined: 17/05/2010
Posts: 360

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 07:38

My first Christmas present. Thanks Santa.

ttoli


Joined: 24/03/2007
Posts: 1172

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 08:19

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?



Half of Essex

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 11:48

Please be positive, Negative , and reconsider your position. The thought of Top Ten carrying on his own the onerous task of trying to make members smile throughout the Festive Season does not bear thinking about. He is heavily involved in pantomime and likely to be pished throughout. "Oh no he isn't". "Oh yes he is".

steve.sewell


Joined: 07/11/2011
Posts: 277

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 11:53

He is completely right, what is the point, some miserable git will only make a fuss because its not to there taste.

Blackbird



Joined: 11/08/2009
Posts: 1432

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 12:03

Cancelled???? That's nearly as bad as cancelling Christmas..........

Pipie


Joined: 05/01/2008
Posts: 5499

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 12:11

Message 1



''oh no you can't ''

Jonesy299


Joined: 07/02/2009
Posts: 367

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 14:12

Why does NN 'announce' his return and then retirement (and then inevitable return) other than to generate a list of 'please don't' comments? A rather self important announcement if you ask me....either contribute or don't.

Jonesy299


Joined: 07/02/2009
Posts: 367

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 14:14

My contribution:



I've heard that Scotland has just received two panda bears - those Jocks will deep fry anything!!!

mikelapta



Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 2186

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 17:05

To Jonesy:



I heard the Scots got Pandas,rather than Bears,because they thought a black and white licence is cheaper !!!!

lozroz


Joined: 03/04/2011
Posts: 32

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 19:32

Watch it Mike, we're made of girders remember!

ttoli's essex one takes the biscuit. lol

paddywack


Joined: 04/05/2009
Posts: 959

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 19:48

Trying to bolster your ego Nick?

martinD41


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 3001

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 19:55

Trouble is nick, some of your humour falls on "Stony" ground, however my soil is pleasantly soft .. a merry Christmas to you and yours..

Lemtich



Joined: 15/02/2007
Posts: 1487

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 21:22

I just got given a Cliche Advent Calendar for Christmas!



Oh well. One door closes, another one opens....

rowlo



Joined: 12/10/2008
Posts: 4796

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 21:32

how does an essex girl hold her liquor ? by the ears .

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 21:58

Yesterday, my wife told me that most accidents at home happen in the kitchen.



"I know," I replied, "I have to eat them."

LaptaMike


Joined: 07/10/2009
Posts: 1679

Message Posted:
18/12/2011 23:41

Nice one bill and the rest (particularly liked the orange one)



It's pity I haven't any I could put on here. Would be banned again

EamonnMc


Joined: 18/06/2010
Posts: 1019

Message Posted:
19/12/2011 01:01

Hey Mike... It could be worth the risk !!! Lol.

LaptaMike


Joined: 07/10/2009
Posts: 1679

Message Posted:
19/12/2011 01:51

Too many people would find them far too offensive mate ;-)





Worse than Chubby Brown.



I might even get locked up for them ;-) VERY SEXIST, VERY RACIST





I'm a tad right wing if you hadn't gathered that already ;-)

ttoli


Joined: 24/03/2007
Posts: 1172

Message Posted:
19/12/2011 10:01

Turns out the woman on the tram in London who was arrested wasn't being a racist bigot.

She was just reading her Daily Mail out loud to her kid.

ttoli


Joined: 24/03/2007
Posts: 1172

Message Posted:
19/12/2011 10:30

Paddy got arrested in B & Q today for punching an African woman at the till. He claims it wasn't his fault as his father had told him to go in and get a Black and Decker.



Paddy and his wife were discussing their sex life. Paddy said, "I want to try that wheelbarrow position tonight."

His wife asked, "What is that?"

Paddy told her, "You bend over, put your hands on the floor then I pick your legs up and take you from behind!"

His wife said, "Hmm, okay, I'll do it on two conditions. First, if it hurts you stop immediately and, second, ... we don't go down past my mother's house!"

ttoli


Joined: 24/03/2007
Posts: 1172

Message Posted:
19/12/2011 10:31

A bloke was sitting on a bus when a gorgeous woman next to him starts breastfeeding her baby. The baby won't take it so she says, "Come on, eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here." Ten minutes later, the baby is still not feeding so she says again, "Eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here."

The bloke says, "Listen, love, can you make your bloody mind up, I should've got off four stops ago!"



French foreplay: Dinner, wine, sex!

Italian foreplay: Dinner, wine, caressing, sex!

Latino foreplay: Dinner, wine, dancing, caressing, sex!

Scottish foreplay: "Haw, ye awake?"

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
19/12/2011 12:30

Paddy got 30 years imprisonment for shop lifting. He lifted the British Home Stores 50ft into the air. Boom Boom.