Worst possible name

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 12:14

On a long walk with the family today and when the girls had left us boys to continue as they wanted to get back had a long conversation with my son about what name could get you into the most trouble..



We came to the conclusion that Joe or Jo King would lead to some pretty bad problems...



e.g. At a funeral and Joe approaches the widow to offer condolences... Joe says "I'm so sorry for your loss, he was a lovely man, I'm Joe King by the way" At which point she hits him with her handbag!



Man rushes into Police station to report he's just knocked into a police car outside... they asked for his name, he says "I'm Joe King" the Sergeant says "You are under arrest for wasting police time" He says... "No I really am Joe King" things only get worse.....



See if you can come up with some more... but they have to be real possibilities.



In Spain 'Senor Buttcrack' would be funny but not real...

RedSnapper


Joined: 12/08/2008
Posts: 540

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 12:18

In Spain The abbreviated Richard would be more feasible i think, Senor Dick...

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 12:28

Richard Cranium?

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:00

Gordon Bennet, This is someone I actually know, I remember years ago going to night club with a group of people, including Gordon, Gary Robb was one of the bouncers, seemed to target Gordon, "how old are you son?" 19, came the reply, "and what's your name?" "Gordon Bennet", "sling yer hook"

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:09

Al Fresco.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:10

Carrie Oakey

breezyboy


Joined: 14/05/2007
Posts: 1179

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:10

In TRNC I would have thought the worst name you could have is Gary Robb.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:11

Helen Back

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:11

Hugh Jorgan

wattys


Joined: 07/10/2008
Posts: 278

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:11

Went to school with a lad in the 60s name Roy Rogers, he was acting the fool in the high street one Saturday night when a copper caught hold of him, he asked he's name when he told him, he gave hime a hard slap kicked his arse and told him not to be cheeky.



Pity that can't be done now, solve a few problems.

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:12

Osama bin Laden

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:13

Stan Still

ilovecyprus


Joined: 08/05/2007
Posts: 2880

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:14

When I once worked in a contact centre I spoke to a guy called Paul mycock and a woman who's surname was Dick. I asked her for her first name was and she said Everelde - that's a true story

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:15

Mark - you have cracked me up with that.

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:18

Ed Balls???

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:20

Warren Peace

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:22

Ivan Oder

JimmyG


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 900

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:40

My 2 old classmates - Vernon Adcock & Cynthia Dove Lickess

SAFFI


Joined: 01/07/2008
Posts: 342

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:50

P Enis ( Mr )

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:52

JimmyG that's got to be a wind up!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 13:59

Barbara Seville

Graham


Joined: 20/10/2007
Posts: 397

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 14:00

Wayne Kerr

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 14:07

Boddgit & Leggit (T.r.n.c builders, perhaps?)

martinev


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 320

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 14:20

Honor Commode.



Someone I knew. You wouldn't think parents could be so cruel !!

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 14:25

Carl Robert Allen Pitcairn (CRAP) yep cruel parents!

come_on_aylin


Joined: 14/06/2008
Posts: 908

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 14:26

I was at school with A. Raeper (she hated her name), P Christmas and someone called Hailstones. My kids were at school with Primrose and Rosemary Flower and I saw a Birth Announcement in the Scotsman for Crystal Ball, honest! I just thank God my surname isn't Dover.

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 14:29

I once met a Mr Snowball.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 15:08

I bet he did'nt last long britvic.

JimmyG


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 900

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 15:13

No1, no not a wind up at all - perfectly true, but then it was a Grammar School!!

rowan


Joined: 04/09/2008
Posts: 450

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 15:35

many years ago my boss in the civil service was T. Breaks

and I knew a man called Percy Vere

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 15:54

This is a conversation I had over the phone at work.

"Mr Hole your radiator cover is ready"

"Didn't order a radiator cover"

"Are there any erm....other holes in the houshold?"

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 16:15

I used to work with a woman called A Hooker... Luckily my wife knew that a missed call from A Hooker was innocent enough...



But my best pal at school was Clive Innocent... he got a clip round the ear from a ticket collector when he couldn't produce his railway ticket and was being questioned, they asked "what's you name?" and his reply of "Innocent" earned him the cuff.

Turtle


Joined: 28/05/2007
Posts: 2669

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 16:16

I swear this is true, I had a customer years ago called Richard Cumming..................yes they used to call him Dick.



Honest I swear it

Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
Posts: 2135

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 16:17

We had a Wing Commander in the RAF with us when I was in Germany called Bastard,but had to be pronounced as B,stard.Yes youhave guessed what he called his son..Robin......

Al the Badger


Joined: 06/02/2008
Posts: 130

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 16:26

The Public Health Inspector at our local council was called Mr Smellie.

On another note, I once worked with a confirmed spinster who never had a man in her life called Miss Cockaday - wishful thinking maybe ??

Then there were the sales reps who went by the respective names of Mr Horsnail and Mr Sheetwash. Oh, and another of my contacts from a previous life went by the delectable name of Olive Cakebread.

breezyboy


Joined: 14/05/2007
Posts: 1179

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 16:29

a guy I knew called his son

G eorge A rthur S teven....Ovens

Notsoboredhw


Joined: 15/03/2007
Posts: 1254

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 16:39

Our friends liked the name Noah (when they were expecting a boy) but their surname was Gardener! Noah Gardener!

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 16:42

I was hoping you could all come up with a scenario where the duff name would make for a humourous punchline....



Put your thinking caps on.... it should make for some fun...

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 17:22

Eric, now that is a horrible name.

lovingcyprus


Joined: 02/03/2007
Posts: 1272

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 17:22

I used to work with a guy called Andrew Dick (yes I'm not joking) guess what, he never put his name as A. Dick on letters I wonder why not.

JimmyG


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 900

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 17:28

An ex colleague had to sign her name when issuing Travelsure poicies. It was A.Holliday.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 17:35

Groucho, you've posed a difficuilt scenario here. Trying to get a punchline ending in duff is quite testing. Can't you mnake it a bit easier for us mere mortals?

JimmyG


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 900

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 17:37

Groucho lasst season Toon Army fans may well have said "We've had enough of Damien Duff", but this season he's been much better I'm pleased to say!!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 17:52

Groucho. I'm beat - how about a Rhyme,



Old Mother Hubbard went to the cubbard

to fetch her poor dog a bone.

But when she bent over,

Rover took over

And the bitch got a bone of her own!

The dog was rough

She’d had enough

And now she’s up the duff.

keithcaley



Joined: 13/06/2008
Posts: 2521

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 17:54

I went to school with someone called Hugo Higo, and our local coal merchant, Mr Brick, named his son Arthur...Arfer Brick!

We had a customer, a local heath inspector called John Thomas, and co-incidentally, he lived down Bishop Allcock Road.

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 17:55

When I was in hospital at the age of 25 having my tonsils out, they put me in the Victoria Ward, this being my name, can you imagine when my other half phoned to see how I was doing.

Male nurse; "Victoria Ward"

Other half: "bloody hell Vicki, having your tonsils out hasn't half deepened your voice!"

HarryHornet



Joined: 18/07/2007
Posts: 291

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 17:58

i knew a dentist called phil macavity

Treesy


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 406

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 18:13

I used to work with a guy called Mick Hunt, he used a different surname on his name badge!!!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 18:16

Denise R. Nockin

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 18:19

Vishnu VerHeer

twinky


Joined: 10/08/2008
Posts: 74

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 19:01

Ben Dover

"No, It's quite alright, Thank you"

AlsancakJack



Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 5762

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 19:02

Austin Healey

He played scrum-half, fly-half, full-back and on the wing for Leicester and England.

Austin Healey won 51 caps for England and he toured with the Lions in 1997 and 2001.

And his parents had a great sense of humour.



Jack Russel.

Former wicketkeeper for Gloucestershire and England.

Yep you have guessed, his parents also had a great sense of humour.



There is one more from the sporting world but I cannot remember which sport.

And the name is Morris Minor. Anyone remember?

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 19:07

I heard the an actor named Penis Van Lesbian changed his name on the advice of his agent as he got no work...



You guessed it, he became Dick Van Dyck...



(;¬)

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 19:14

Gordon Brown? A family member was called Justin Pratt.

RedSnapper


Joined: 12/08/2008
Posts: 540

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 20:06

Dixie Normous might know one

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 20:09

Yes but you still have to think of a scenario where saying 'Dixie Normous' would make a funny punchline.... or cause a misunderstanding...

RedSnapper


Joined: 12/08/2008
Posts: 540

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 20:37

Girl in my class at Skool, Doreen Shufflebottom, never was keen on the name Doreen...

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 20:45

Here you go....



Dixie's mum 'Babs Enormous' takes young Dixie out for his first trip in a pram..



On her way to Woolworths she meets an old friend she hasn't seen since her confinement...



Her friend looks into the pram and says "What's his name? He's awful small!"



"Dixie Enourmous"



"You don't need to brag dear I hear his dad's only got a chipolata!"



You get the idea... now thinking caps on...

Turbo


Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 833

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 21:38

Old girlfriends sister Viviene Denise Jones,, in short, it was VD Jones.



and someone mentioned Andrew Dick message 40.



There is a comedian called Andy Dick.

hattikins


Joined: 17/02/2008
Posts: 2793

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 22:22

I knew a couple who both worked in the same bank, they refused to wear id badges,

Pat and Russell Mycock, can you blame them.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 22:36

Russell Mycock sounds like a command...

MUSIN M


Joined: 26/06/2008
Posts: 1352

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 22:45

girl in my class was called teresa green







musin

mersin10



Joined: 05/11/2008
Posts: 94

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 22:46

my son went to school with a girl called theresa green

mersin10



Joined: 05/11/2008
Posts: 94

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 22:54

how about ben doon & phil mcavity

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 22:56

Rather not thanks all the same... ;¬)

MUSIN M


Joined: 26/06/2008
Posts: 1352

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 23:01

mersin10



it wasn,t south hackney secondary in bethnal green was it





musin

mersin10



Joined: 05/11/2008
Posts: 94

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 23:04

no musin it was moorside juniors halifax

joandjelly


Joined: 24/02/2008
Posts: 2953

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 23:14

My sister works with a Mrs Overall and one of my teachers at school was Mr Bender - very unfortunate for a school teacher. I also went to school (in the 1980's) with a boy called Chris Clark whose sister was called Petula.

SAFFI


Joined: 01/07/2008
Posts: 342

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 23:19

Groucho

re message 32



I too went to school with a Miss A Hooker, I think she went on to work in insurance,



Regards



Saffi

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 23:48

We lived in Bury in the 70's... There was a vet called P. Nutt & his wife was called Hazel... Perfectly true..

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 23:51

How about. Ben Dover

SAFFI


Joined: 01/07/2008
Posts: 342

Message Posted:
10/12/2008 23:54

I once went to see a plastic surgeon and his name --A CARVER Mr,

not that funny but most unfortunate given his profession !



Saffi

johns


Joined: 26/07/2008
Posts: 32

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 00:06

In my previous employment in London out of a workforce of over two thousand we had the following,



Mary Hinge

Anas Hamlin

Hugh Janus

Betty Swallocks & Mike Hunt



The whole office cracked up whenever anyone had to phone these employees !





The priest was waiting on Saturday afternoon for his usual parade of people coming to confession. In comes a man so drunk, he is stumbling down the aisle, bouncing from pew to pew. Finally he finds the confessional, goes in, and shuts the door.



The priest goes in his side and waits. Nothing happens. He clears his throat so the fellow might know he is there and ready. No reaction. Finally, he starts losing his patience and bangs sharply on the wall three times.



The drunk fellow in the confessional says, "It's no use knockin'...There's no paper in here either!"

arrry



Joined: 19/08/2008
Posts: 1235

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 00:10

My old French teacher was called Mr Cundliffe



No guesses as to what we called him !!!!



mon deu

Turtle


Joined: 28/05/2007
Posts: 2669

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 00:25

I was got big style at work a few years ago....bear with me.



Our marketing dept called me and said ITV needed some emergency power generators for an outside broadcast and needed a call right away from me to sort something out for them, call this number they said and you need to ask for Ann Tandek and she will be waiting to meet you on location to discuss business.



You can imagine my frustration when the receptionist said they had no one there called Ann Tandek, I said you must have I have had a call to ring you very urgently for some emergency power for an outside broadcast.

After about 5 mins I gave up and rang our marketing tossers who were in hysterics, me being a thicko still didnt twig until a nice girl said take a look at the name....Ann Tandek alias Ant n Dec

Needless to say I felt such a dick ?

pinkchilli


Joined: 30/11/2008
Posts: 689

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 08:40

I went to school with a girl called Tina Salmon and worked with a guy called Isaac Hunt!

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 08:50

Turtle



"Needless to say I felt such a dick"



It's a dirty habit you should have grown out of...



Your Mum

Gilly



Joined: 19/03/2008
Posts: 50

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 09:06

When I worked at Oxford Airport - the students used to wear there names on badges - one of our helicopter pilots wore a badge with the name:

Hugh Jardon !

Cyprusactive


Joined: 20/05/2008
Posts: 128

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 09:14

Where I grew up we had an American family next door called Stone the daughters were Cherry, Pearl and Ruby they had a son called Delco, we called him Gaul.

My Mother had a friend called Anne Livingstone who on marriage became Anne Teaque. In Dubai I had an Egyptian working for me called Mustafa Kraap.

There must be more!

Regards

Nick

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 09:47

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch

come_on_aylin


Joined: 14/06/2008
Posts: 908

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 10:28

Received a letter from Mr Shuttlecock regarding Badminton Lessons and worked with a guy(?) called Ignatius McGurl...(I'm a girl)

littlenige



Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 3594

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 10:33

the guy at baseline computers in girne is call eufuk pronnounce oofuk

RedSnapper


Joined: 12/08/2008
Posts: 540

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 10:48

Aerron Hiscoque...

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 11:34

Whose Coque?

fredred


Joined: 09/12/2007
Posts: 89

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 17:48

Newcastle football Manager----- Joe Kinnear

JimmyG


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 900

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 17:51

Fredred. He's now known locally as JFK !!

VRs-Dude


Joined: 06/04/2007
Posts: 168

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 18:01

Went to school with a boy called Richard Payne

gates


Joined: 08/12/2008
Posts: 1096

Message Posted:
11/12/2008 18:02

at school there was a girl called natile blows in my day they didnt do it at school in1965 where is she now