Love the Irish!

Chicken Run


Joined: 11/10/2008
Posts: 252

Message Posted:
12/12/2008 16:48

Gotta love the Irish



A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her

Stammerers Action group. She had tried every technique in the book

without the slightest success.

Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said "If any of you can tell me the

name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have

wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes

water. So, who wants to go first ?"



The Englishman piped up. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham", he said.



"That's no use, Trevor" said the speech therapist, "Who's next ?"



The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".



That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish.



How about you, Paddy ?



The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out " London".



Brilliant, Paddy! said the speech therapist and immediately set about

living up to her promise.



After 20 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
12/12/2008 16:50

hi chckenrun missing txt is it londonderry x

Chicken Run


Joined: 11/10/2008
Posts: 252

Message Posted:
12/12/2008 16:59

breath and Paddy blurted out...



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"D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry".

CJtill


Joined: 02/05/2008
Posts: 836

Message Posted:
12/12/2008 17:18

Paddy was walking along the backs streets of soho when this young lady approached him and said I will sleep with you for £20.

After a long and dignified pause Paddy pointed out to the girl in question that he wasnt tired but would agree to her demands as the money would come in handy.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
12/12/2008 17:24

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were captured by The Devil. The Devil said he would send each of them to Hell unless they gave him a task he could not do.

The Englishman gave The Devil a block of ice and challenged him to turn it to steam. The Devil did this immediately so The Englishman was sent to Hell.

The Scotsman challenged The Devil to jump over Mount Everest. To his surprise The Devil did it with ease, so The Scotsman was sent to Hell.

The Irishman farted very loudly and said to The Devil, 'Catch that.'

Steve1953



Joined: 04/12/2008
Posts: 298

Message Posted:
12/12/2008 21:11

Hear about the irish water polo team...... they drowned 12 horses

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
12/12/2008 23:56

hi all even thogh im irish love them keep them coming we can laught at ourselves thats what we are good at makng the world laugh but do we take offence and ask for pc no we love it where would the world b without a paddy love u all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Steve1953



Joined: 04/12/2008
Posts: 298

Message Posted:
13/12/2008 11:24

How do you make an irishman dizzy?





.... put him in a barrel and ask him to stand in a corner

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
13/12/2008 18:21

Blimey Lilli,



You are nearly typing in Gaelic... as opposed to speaking 'Garlic' which is nearly the same but your friends don't get so close... ;¬)

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
13/12/2008 18:28

NO such place as londonderry. London is in London and Derry is in Derry.



Bless you lilli, you must be some eejit to be laughing at your self and speaking for the rest of the Irish community..........I think not.

Checkmate


Joined: 31/08/2008
Posts: 140

Message Posted:
13/12/2008 22:46

Funny that been to Northern Ireland on numerious occasions and to be sure I saw a sign saying LONDONDERRY!!

PtePike



Joined: 20/05/2008
Posts: 2334

Message Posted:
13/12/2008 22:56

Checkmate,



It is Londonderry, both the county and city (where Mrs Pike is from). Many locals call it Derry for short. However, for politico-sectarian purposes, others use its full and short version as a badge of their religion or to which community they belong. The worst offenders for this are those who are very distant from the Emerald Isle. Bit like the Cypriot diaspora. Er, so it is.

Lemtich



Joined: 15/02/2007
Posts: 1487

Message Posted:
13/12/2008 23:38

I'm afraid you are all wrong. Having lived in N. Ireland in Coleraine, yes I went to Inst as a day boy.



The correct spelling of the city's name is Doire.



Lem

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
14/12/2008 14:59

So Mrs Pike is a "Blue Nose then" !! & a keen Glasgow rangers fan to boot...I bet!



I'd say you would be made welcome by some of the locals in Doire. (original name) that's until as usual the old British Empire decided to f*c£ the place up.



No doubt like Cyprus you will know the history of Ireland....which as usual will be a one sided slant.

PtePike



Joined: 20/05/2008
Posts: 2334

Message Posted:
14/12/2008 23:43

Ah, but the craic is grand, sure.

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
15/12/2008 00:41

hi grouch i see what you mean now i have re read it, more garlic than gaelic i think no wonder i have no friends. are u ok xxxx

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
15/12/2008 00:51

sorry tiggy but u know we do laugh at ourselves because if we didnt there would be a real sense of humour loss, we have been the butt of many a joke but as a nation we have shown the world laughter, where are you from. i did not mean to upset you and if i did i am so sorry, i dont speak for all the irish only the ties i remember there when derry was actually derry, great country and great people. you know what i love most about my fellow country people no matter what they go throug we honestly beleive someone else is worse off. please accept my apology xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
15/12/2008 04:20

Hello Lilli,



No need for an apology from you. the Irish are indeed a humourous race.



It just gets a little tiresome hearing the same old stale jokes over and over.



Best wishes,



Padraig.



Ps. Originally from Fermanagh......that was until the occupation and Enosis of Ireland started! Grandparents had to re settle in Mayo (beautiful county and lovely people) No chance of getting our pre 1900 titlles back I suppose !!!!!!

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
15/12/2008 10:49

hi tiggy thank you for that . mayo is so beautiful. if there was any chance of getting our titles back i would be one of the first in line. i am a limerick lass but people tell me its now full of eastern europeans. times chage. god bless lilli x

PtePike



Joined: 20/05/2008
Posts: 2334

Message Posted:
15/12/2008 12:18

tiggy: "Ps. Originally from Fermanagh......that was until the occupation and Enosis of Ireland started! Grandparents had to re settle in Mayo (beautiful county and lovely people) No chance of getting our pre 1900 titlles back I suppose !!!!!!"



Not that you have a chip on your shoulder the size of a shellalagh. Still. British dole money and Greek Cypriot title deeds are goods enough for some.

Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
Posts: 2135

Message Posted:
15/12/2008 17:11

Smashing place isDerry. Only place I was stationed at where the women outnumbered the men 4/1 and when you went to the local ballroom it was the ladies who came and asked you for a dance..Those were the days....and where I was introduced to the moonshine juice..WOW rocket fuel or what....

Rocker



Joined: 24/09/2008
Posts: 384

Message Posted:
15/12/2008 20:03

ON hoiday in Southern Ireland and got lost, asked a local for directions and he started by saying 'I would not have started from here!

cyprusgaz



Joined: 25/08/2008
Posts: 79

Message Posted:
15/12/2008 20:07

'I couldn't believe Dublin, great city, but every Tom, Dick and Harry is called Pat!!'

cyprusgaz



Joined: 25/08/2008
Posts: 79

Message Posted:
15/12/2008 20:08

'You see my real shoe size is four,' said Bridget. 'But I'm wearing sevens coss fours hurt!'

PtePike



Joined: 20/05/2008
Posts: 2334

Message Posted:
15/12/2008 20:52

Health and safety rep sees three Irish labourers plunge to their deaths from the roof of a new building. He rushes to the site foreman to ask him what happened.



"Search me," the foreman replies. "I was just telling them how I used to fly in Wellingtons during the war."

Steve1953



Joined: 04/12/2008
Posts: 298

Message Posted:
15/12/2008 21:18

3 irishman go for a job at Blackpool Zoo



First irishman goes in for interview,and the panel ask him if he can name a bird that cant fly ..... Paddy said ... I tink its an eagle. No send Seamus in...



Seamus goes in -do you know a bird that cant fly .... Seamus thinks for a minute ... then says,woz it that pink elephant ...er,wots his - Dumbo...no,sorry,Seamus,send in the next Irishman



Sean goes in - do you know a bird that cant fly - certainly thir,its a penguin.

Congratulations,you've got the job .......

by the way,how did you know that a penguin cant fly?





















Simple thir,its cant fly ....... cos its a chocolate biscuit

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
16/12/2008 00:45

Eric, Are you getting British dole money out in Cyprus? I thought your title deeds were all legit ! Mrs P must be well used to claiming it.



Maybe one day you will be able t o see the chip on my shoulder in person.



Keep up the poison and hiding behind a keyboard!



Padraig.



Moderator: Padraig please ignore eric as he is the forum idiot. Well all forums have one. End of moderating.

Hilltop



Joined: 28/04/2008
Posts: 636

Message Posted:
16/12/2008 06:27

Auntie Beeb deals with the problem by calling it Londondery first then for the remainer of the article calls it Derry.







Moderator: Eric please ignore the other moderator as he forgot we are meant to moderate not comment or insult. End of moderating.

Geoff1131


Joined: 12/07/2007
Posts: 276

Message Posted:
16/12/2008 08:10

I just love the Irish sense of humour.

A group of eight golfers used to go to Irland every year for a weeks golf (or to practice our drinking skills) and one year we were staying in Gowran and had to travel to a course called Mount Juiliet. When we came to the exit from the main road, the turn off was a long slow bend of approx 270 degrees, at the end of the turn off there was a sign which read ' THAT WAS A BAD BEND WAS'NT IT'