Dementia - who else is having to deal with relatives with this

parkview



Joined: 12/03/2009
Posts: 1123

Message Posted:
04/02/2012 22:48

After visiting my mother in the UK this week and discussing the possibility of having to look for a care home for her I wondered if anyone else here is having to deal with a relative or parent who is suffering this awful illness and how you cope with not being close by. Although my sister cares for her 3 days a week and a carer the rest of the time she is now at the stage that she needs to be in a home. I feel a terrible guilt about not being there to help but cannot up sticks and move back due to having a daughter of 5 here and a partner.

TRNCvictim


Joined: 17/08/2010
Posts: 1417

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 00:04

parkview I have dealt with dementia with my mum, thankfully she was very close to me so I managed to look after her to the end! she died in November, It must be awful to have to consider a care home, but I do understand how that must feel, my daughter in law's mum has alzheimers her family are also looking for a good care home, but keep trying to manage because they can't face the inevitable!



Don't feel any guilt! we can only do our best!



It's a dreadful disease, but you have your own life in another Country, just support your sister every way you can!

MsGarnet


Joined: 04/01/2009
Posts: 989

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 00:39

Don't please feel any guilt...always bear in mind, with dementia, unless your mum is in the very early stages still, she is the ONLY one that has no idea of the tsunami of emotions her relatives are enduring...as long as she is fed, warm, housed and cared for, whether you were there or not, sadly, she eventually won't even know. Why not see if there is a support group for families of dementia sufferers on the net, where you could 'meet' people in the same situation, maybe find solace; perhaps hear of good homes in the area you need; learn of coping strategies for you and your sister et cetera...if compos mentis she wouldn't want you to disrupt your life to accommodate her needs - she raised and nurtured you to strike out in the world and find your own life...it is sad, but once you have ensured with your family she is in a good environment that will fulfil what potential she has left and give her comfort - you have done all you can...

Marion


Joined: 06/03/2011
Posts: 1816

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 00:44

Quite a bit of 'experience' of dementia in my family, in laws, and my current husband's in laws. Don't feel bad about a home. Why? because they have a team of people who work in shifts and who then go off for a few hours for a normal life. when you and other members of the family are carers, it is a full time,l stressful situation that often destroys any love there may have been.

And as other have said, the ;'sufferer' is not really suffering, it is the loved ones who are doing the caring that are 'suffering'.

Money of course comes in to it, but my ex father in law, and my sister in law's husband, plus an uncle all ended up in some kind of 'institution' which meant that family could visit without the knowledge of it being a 24 hour job. Justbe thankful that you have other family members around there to help, And also be thankful of it being U.K. anyone with a partner with alzheimers here in Cyprus has a much suffer path to follow. Rejoice that there is help, and accept the res

Marion


Joined: 06/03/2011
Posts: 1816

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 00:46

oops, I was going to say.".............accept the resonsibilities that you have been given now, of your child and your partner. Later in life, things could change, but for now I am sure you are in the right place doing the right things, and don't feel guilty. (Did you know that 'guilt' is very much a Christian concept - ? throw it out!)

EamonnMc


Joined: 18/06/2010
Posts: 1019

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 02:50

Marion, msg 5, How do you know that guilt is a very Christian concept ? if you do something wrong, surely, no matter whether you are Christian, Jew, Muslim or Whatever, you should feel remorse for doing something wrong . If not,what kind of person are you ? In answer to Parkview, you can only do your best..nothing more and nothing less...it's very sad and if we live long enough, it may visit us too. Be gentle with yourself, you can only do what is practicable.

LondonCypriot


Joined: 15/12/2008
Posts: 426

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 03:02

A small pilot study has suggested that nicotine may aid memory in early dementia, according to BBC News. During the study, researchers gave non-smoking elderly people with mild mental impairment either genuine nicotine patches or dummy patches containing no nicotine.



The 39 patients given genuine nicotine patches showed improvements in some, but not all, memory tests compared to the group that received the dummy patches....

http://www.nhs.uk/news/2012/01January/Pages/nicotine-replacement-patches-for-dementia-alzheimers.aspx

swyflot


Joined: 07/11/2008
Posts: 916

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 10:02

Please contact the Alzheimers Association, they will be able to offer suggestions to help you at this difficult time. Also if your sister contacts your Mother's G.P. he could arrange respite care which would provide a much needed rest for your sister's family

mrsgee


Joined: 23/06/2009
Posts: 396

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 10:34

Parkview, we are in exactly the same situation. My mother in law is suffering with Dementia in the UK whilst we live here in Cyprus. It is not practical, nor desirable for us to go back to UK, and so yes, we have constant feelings of guilt. We have tried to do everything we can to support her, carers, and meals sent in. She was throwing the meals away, insisting that she should cook for herself. As others have said, the sufferers don't know or accept that they are ill. She constantly fights against having the carers but we insist that they go. It is particularly concerning now that the cold weather has hit. My husband is the only child, so we cannot share the burden. It is a terrible illness, but I have researched it a lot on the internet and, although it does not have any easy answers or solutions, it does help to understand the progression, and the likely outcomes. Also, to have someone to talk to with the same problems is of help. Best of luck.

rocky


Joined: 17/10/2007
Posts: 1749

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 10:54

We run a dementia care home and almost all families have this problem to deal with as parents age. We also have this problem with a family member. You can try care at home but 2 or 3 pop ins a day do not work especially with the hazards of cooking and falls also. We have a number of families who are relieved that they have placed their relatives in a home and do not have to make several unplanned calls on aged parents to clan sort out everyday problems. Better place is a home try respite first dont know your financial situation but if a resident in a care home has no assets social services will pay a basic room rate, not all homes accept this as it is below the cost. You can top up if the assessed rate by social services will not fund the room rate. Rates vary in UK from about £400 for a basic room to whatever you want to pay for people who are really wealthy.You may say this is expensive but few hotels are less than this and they dont provide care medication and food 24/7.

rocky


Joined: 17/10/2007
Posts: 1749

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 10:56

Message 8 is appropriate....there is also a Care Helpline if you cant find it post on here and I will look it up for you..

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 11:31

Hi parkview.



Please call me 0533. 839. 5561.

I worked a very long time in the Mental Health within a day unit. We had elderly confused each Thursday and at the week-ends, attend. I have facilitated support groups for families. Has your sister started to receive any respite package as this is very important. My daughter manages the team that implement care in the community on discharge from hospital I am able to let you know your sisters entitlement on a four daily visit of a care team. I also am able to guide you in the right direction to meet up with others living here in your same situation.You guilt is very natural of feeling helpless but once you are able to understand things better you will be able to support your sister from here and feel less helpless too.



Spider,X

parkview



Joined: 12/03/2009
Posts: 1123

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 12:13

Thank you all for your replies, my mother has been into respite twice but on both occasions has had bad falls which resulted in her being hospitalised for 49 days which made her deteriorate dramatically. Unfortunately she would not be self funding and we cannot afford to top up and most homes are approx £800 + a week, I visited a couple of homes whilst in the UK and I would not put my worst enemy in them. I joined the Alzheimers forum and found it a great help, my sister who lives in the UK on the other hand will not contemplate joining as she said it is too depressing, I have begged her to join a group but she says she does not have the time. At present my mother also has carers come in 5 days a week for 1 1/2 hours but she hates having people in the house and does not understand that she cannot do things for herself. Unfortunately my mother has become aggressive and paranoid, accusing everyone of stealing

parkview



Joined: 12/03/2009
Posts: 1123

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 12:20

and taking her possessions and her house away. My mother was the most loving person you could ever meet, she now can be at times hateful and we know its the illness but sometimes does not help. Unfortunately I cannot even take my daughter to see her now because of the aggression which is also upsetting because my mother when in a lucid moment does not understand why.



Thank you Spider, appreciate the number. May well give you a call.

Glorybee


Joined: 30/04/2010
Posts: 132

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 12:33

The problem with Alzheimers is that it is seen as a social problem rather than a medical one - hence the lack of NHS funding for this crippling disease of the mind. When my mum became a danger to herself (wandering out at night etc), she was assessed by a psychiatrist to see if she required a Nursing Home. The whole process broke my heart and I, too, felt so guilty about even considering putting my lovely mum into a Home. I have no brothers and sisters and had to make the decision. In 2004, Nursing Homes were funded by the NHS but not sure these days. As it turned out, my mum entered a Residential Home as she was not deemed 'bad enough' for a Nursing Home. The residential home in Lincolnshire was lovely and she remained there until her death three years later. She had her own home which had to be sold to fund her care.

A qualified friend and I ran a support group for those who cared for someone with dementia. We met for coffee and cake and often had as many laughs as tears.

Enchanted


Joined: 20/07/2008
Posts: 159

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 12:50

I suspect I will be shot down in flames for being sounding cruel, but I will relate the experience of the elderly lady I used to visit.

The years progressed and it began to get difficult for her to manage at home. I tried my darnest to persuade her to accept help. When I suggested a care home she became furious. I became upset, and said I was concerned that one day I would find her dead on the kitchen floor. She took me to one side and told me that is exactly how she wanted it be. Extending an elderly persons life is is not always fair.

Eventually my dear friend had a fall in her beloved garden and was found dead. Betty was 88. Maybe if I had insisted on a home. she could have been propped up for another few years in comfort I'm sure, but she would have hated it. I know I would prefer to die in my garden.......How about all of you?

rocky


Joined: 17/10/2007
Posts: 1749

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 13:10

If you only visited two care homes you did not see much of the industry then. We have a team of staff in our home are second to none if they dont care for our residents then they dont stay we demand high standards. There are many care homes with high standards who will take lower fees than £800 but still that is far above what social services wil pay. Unless you have 24/7 one to one care which is not affordable for most people elderly people with or without dementia will have the occasional fall. In a private care home they are checked regularly (I cannot speak for the state run ones) there is a far greater risk if someone pops in for 15 mins a few times a day, I know my mother went through that. The problem with the British culture is that many people think old age care should be free and dont like paying because it may affect their inheritance this is another discussion point. Some people think about this rather than the care of the elderly.

parkview



Joined: 12/03/2009
Posts: 1123

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 13:14

Personally I agree with you about prolonging someones life, someone with this awful illness should not have to suffer but as you know if the UK we allow a person to suffer regardless. There is no way out. I wish she would go to sleep and not wake up rather than see her in this hell she is living. But reality is she will not have a peaceful demise and if she had an accident or worse still is sectioned which has already happened to her in the past then yes this would be worse. I do not want to think of my mother lying somewhere from a fall and not being able to get help. I personally believe in Euthanasia when the person will only get worse and is having to live with this awful disease but we live in a so called civilised society where an animal is put down through pain but a human isant. So the only option is to try and make it as comfortable for those concerned. Every thought goes through you when you are dealing with a loved one with this disease.

Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 13:25

Delia - I am unable to offer any practical advice regarding the best course of action with regard to your mum, as any information I have is now out-of-date. All I will say is that you have my deepest sympathy and that I agree with you 100% regarding euthanasia. As you rightly say, an animal would be put down rather than go through a living hell, but, sadly, not a human being, in our "civilised" society.



I hope you can take some comfort from some of the comments given on here and wish you and your family the very best in whatever you decide to do. Sadly, in a short while, your mum may not even recognise you. Try and keep the good memories you have of her and the woman she was, alive, and draw some comfort from them.



All the best.



Jean

rocky


Joined: 17/10/2007
Posts: 1749

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 13:42

There are many things you can do in the home to help people with dementia, colour coding doors , good signage in risk areas, coloured toilet seats, install walk in shower with seat, do not allow a bath without supervision are good examples. a good dementia home can handle all these for you. Dementia does not mean the elderly do not understand what is going on some of the time and do not have feelings about their families. They can walk and talk and have special times with relatives yes they not remember it. Killing them off with euthanasia is somewhat convenient for many people isnt it..

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 14:00

Hi Delia, Im so sorry to hear of your plight. Having met your Mum I can understand your pain. I watched a documentary this week on this subject. The findings of all who spoke was to find the best place they could for their parents. Somewhere that has all the experience and equipment to deal with the patients in a way that couldnt be done at home. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. It is such a cruel disease with no respect. At times your Mum may not know you but you will always know her and your memories of her.xxxxxx

parkview



Joined: 12/03/2009
Posts: 1123

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 14:11

Hi Lilli, thank you my darling, as you say you met my mum but she is now a shadow of her previous self.

Rocky, no it is not convenience, when you see a person you love so dearly sobbing like a baby because she does not understand or like what is going on it is heartbreaking. She wakes from a nightmare and believes it is real, and nothing you can do or say makes her understand it is not real, she cannot watch TV as everything she watches frightens her. She cannot string a sentence together because the words get all mixed up, she hits, spits and even picks up scissors to attack you because she does not know you are, she is so frightened, I could go on and on. And yet she puts her lipstick on nearly every day. So I believe this is no life for someone. I want to pick her up and make it all right but this is only a dream, so if this make me cruel wanting to put her out of her misery then so be it. She has even said she does not want to carry on.



Thank you everyone for your very kind wo

rocky


Joined: 17/10/2007
Posts: 1749

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 14:13

I recommend you search the internet there is a lot of information available on dementia care. In fact we (and our staff) attend conferences and training courses on dementia care to support our care home, these are not expensive and one take take ideas home when caring for a family member.Locally a social worker or doctor may be able to recommend a home for you and your family to consider. Some residents have relatives who may top up fees and there are various charities who may be able to help especially if there are armed forces links the SSAFA may contribute. Some fees are topped up through PCTs obviously the cheaper routes like care at home may be recommended by social services because it suits their budget, not because it is appropriate for the individual. If your doctor recommends the risks are too high for care at home he can help influence the decision for care in a home.

dalartokat


Joined: 14/04/2008
Posts: 734

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 14:30

www.carehome.co.uk



This site is good to find any care home and read about them, what they do, cost, type of care. You can even see the reports from the Care Quality Commission to make a decision.

parkview



Joined: 12/03/2009
Posts: 1123

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 15:29

We have been on this site, unfortunately most care homes have the same Quality Commission statements. When I was home we found what looked like a very good care home, but my sister is fighting me every step of the way, so we will have to wait and see, I just hope she does not leave it too late, also admissions are dependent on an assessor visiting to find out whether they will take my mother. Social Services are not allowed to recommend homes, they should however give you a list of homes that will take non self funding people unfortunately the man from SS has been slow in coming up with any, although his recommendation that my mother needs to go into one before its too late. It is not until you start researching this kind of thing you realise it is a minefield.

climakool


Joined: 09/11/2008
Posts: 190

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 16:06

Hi Parkview - we live in the Uk & my father in law has had dementia for 10 years now - he is in a lovely care home & is fully funded by the NHS. He was fully funded for 6 years & then they told us that their criteria had changed and he would now not be fully funded? hows that then ( he hadnt got better he had got worse) we had to appeal and appeal & appeal against their decision and in the end we won. So look into it - if you require any more info let me know?

suehowlittle


Joined: 31/10/2010
Posts: 1202

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 16:22

Heartbreaking when you pop in to see your mum, thinking all is OK as she appeared to be doing well and she thinks you are 'the nurse'. My father has just been gone for a year and now Alzheimers is moving in. God Help Us All!



Personally, I am terrified of it happening to me, mostly because I do not want to cause pain to my children.



If I forget something nowadays, it is a big deal to me, in the past I would just laugh it off.



Own up......aren't you all a little scared of the future?

parkview



Joined: 12/03/2009
Posts: 1123

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 16:39

Climacool, I am so sorry, how awful for you all, it is disgusting how old people are treated in the UK. Probably like my mother they worked all their life paying in to NHS and then this happens. As if you don't have enough on y0our plate this happens. Its disgusting.



I have to say suehowlittle that it has made me want to make a living will as I do not want my daughter to have this kind of pressure to deal with, it is not fair and the whole families lives are effected. Of course we are all scared especially if you have no assets.

climakool


Joined: 09/11/2008
Posts: 190

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 16:53

Parkview - its a living hell every day - my father in law was so active and he wouldnt have wanted to be like this although he doesnt know whats going on - its worse for us having to go & visit & he doesnt even know who we are? Just make sure you find out about being funded coz they will try it on - dont sit back & let them get away with it, as you say they have worked all their lifes & are entitled to it ?

Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 17:52

I echo climakool's sentiments in message 29, particularly the sentence about you getting exactly what your mum, in my opinion, is entitled to. As climakool says, they will try it on, given half a chance.

parkview



Joined: 12/03/2009
Posts: 1123

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 18:06

Isan't it awful when families are going through this bad enough dilemma that they have to also deal with authorities trying it on, what has our society become when this sort of thing happens.



I visited one home for my mum and it was £900 a week, I took one look at the eating area and could not believe they would let people eat in a room like this it was worse than a really run down cafe, for approx £150 they could have made it look half way decent by putting bright table clothes on, fake flowers on table, just something to brighten it up. No wonder people stop eating, I personally would not eat in there either. It is as if because people have dementia they will not care where they eat, they are so wrong.

hattikins


Joined: 17/02/2008
Posts: 2793

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 18:19

Sadly many of the homes for elderly mental health patients are staffed by young people, mainly females, on minimum wage with no experience at all and no idea of the needs of their patients, this is so wrong, just because someone has lost their comprehension of daily living it they shouldn't have to lose their dignity as well.

The charges for some of these homes are scandalous, my late brother in law was in one and quite honestly it broke my heart when I visited him, seeing the food he was expected to eat, the smell of urine that was constantly in the air, the lack of stimulation or activities, it was disgraceful.

The government should be addressing this problem and providing appropriate care, it says a lot about their attitude to those who have paid into the system all of their lives.

parkview



Joined: 12/03/2009
Posts: 1123

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 18:25

I totally agree unfortunately most of these homes are run by people who are making huge profits, it does not cost alot to give someone dignity, maybe if these homes were better run and looked more like homes rather than institutions then the burden and guilt that relatives feel putting them into a home in the first place would not be quite so great.

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 18:29

I agree Hatts and Delia, only last week I had the misfortune to be behind a man and woman in a que at Asda. They had 4 trolleys full. The cheapest things you could buy, tinned mincemeat tin peas, tinned potatoes, cheap toilet rolls etc. All less than own brand stuff. Their bill was a fortune and I joked with the cashier glad I do not feed their family, She said No they run a nursing home. They come here every week and the staff have all said how can they give that to elderly people. I had never seen those brands there but in fairness I wouldnt have looked for it. If thats what they serve I am not surprised people do not eat it.I agree Hatts the governement should address this but seeing the programes about Southern Cross Homes I feel there are many more like that. Good luck Delia. Have you tried BUPA Care Homes.

climakool


Joined: 09/11/2008
Posts: 190

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 18:33

we do not have any issues with his care all the carers there are fantastic - the food is well above average and he is well looked after -why should u pay - They have worked all their lifes for a little bit of comfort in their old age- they should be looked after by the state - free of charge and not made to sell their property to cover it

kaiserphil


Joined: 14/12/2008
Posts: 1096

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 18:35

These homes are big business here in Germany. The one my Wife works at is several stories high, they have around 200 inmates.

The company has several similar homes.

parkview



Joined: 12/03/2009
Posts: 1123

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 18:48

" Inmates", makes it sound like a prison! how are they run in Germany, are they self funding or do the government pay? what is the cost? just curious to know compared to UK

mrsgee


Joined: 23/06/2009
Posts: 396

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 19:06

I think that the problem really is less to do with the care homes and more to do with persuading your loved one to go there. This is the issue we have, Doctor, Social Worker and we all agree that it would be the best option, but mother in law is still able to make her own decisions, apparently, even though she cannot look after herself properly. Hence, she is still in her own home, with carers going in every day....I am not sure how bad she has to be before the inevitable happens, but in the meantime it is an endless worry for us. We have tried to make everything as easy as possible to help her to stay in her home....she kicks everything back, refuses help. It is now impacting on our family unit...and it is hard to see how we can make things any better because she simply will not, if you like, play ball. There are no easy answers to this condition.

suehowlittle


Joined: 31/10/2010
Posts: 1202

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 19:19

I had my elderly mother in law with us for her last 8 years before she died at almost 92.



She was a wonderful woman, so intelligent and a real lady but in her last year she developed Alzheimers, she would accuse me of pushing her over if she fell. She became someone whom we no longer knew and she did not know us most of the time either.



This was a very difficult time for us, I was still running a business and working about 70 hours a week and my husband (her son) had just retired, so was there in the daytime.



We argued, we fought, we cried and yes it was the hardest year we have ever had, but we are glad we managed to do it.



The problem is nowadays that people are working themselves, supporting their kids (babysitting etc) and supporting elderly parents as well. This is because we are all living longer perhaps. I do not think any generation has ever done that.



I will not allow my kids to do it for me that's for sure.

parkview



Joined: 12/03/2009
Posts: 1123

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 19:21

My mother is the same, does not want people in her home and does not want to go in a home but knows she cannot look after herself, so unfortunately your going to be on a guilt trip whatever you decide and yes it does effect family and it is an endless worry. As for playing ball unfortunately the rational goes out the window with this dreadful illness. The best way I have had dementia explained to me is normal states of mind have these functions:- emotions, logic and actions with dementia it is emotions and actions, there is no logic, so whatever they feel then they react, unlike us who would think of the consequences if that makes sense.

mrsgee


Joined: 23/06/2009
Posts: 396

Message Posted:
05/02/2012 19:57

That makes absolute sense parkview....this is what I recognise...no logic at all and no thought for the impact on anyone else....and yes, rationale no longer exists...but it is correct what has been said before that it is not the person with dementia that is suffering, it is everyone around them and maybe that is something to remember, but easier said than done. All we can do is our best, however much they fight against it, and hope that in time they will have a peaceful end.

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
06/02/2012 09:52

Delia,



Just a suggestion could your mum afford to pay for a live-in carer / housekeeper? If so it might be a cheaper option that a care home. Also it is something that your mum would get used to very quickly and would mean she could stay in her own environment. Obviously you would have to take up references and do police checks but it may be an option for you.



Chris

parkview



Joined: 12/03/2009
Posts: 1123

Message Posted:
06/02/2012 10:27

My mother already has a live in carer who is a friend of the family and too be honest does more than any carer would do, mums social work has said the same. But mum is at a stage where she needs to be in a home. Social Services have agreed to pay for a home, that is not the problem, my post was more about people living here when there parents are living with this disease in another country. I have been told that most qualified carers will do 2 weeks on and then a week off which means mum would have to have different people in the house, this would not be an option as my mother gets distressed as it is with people in her home. My mother gets up sometimes 8 times a night so by the morning you are shattered, you then need to try and keep her occupied and awake all day otherwise she will not sleep at night. This is the problem it is exhausting. But thank you for your advice. By the way most carers full time charge £700 a week.

booitsme


Joined: 04/02/2009
Posts: 667

Message Posted:
06/02/2012 10:47

Parkview, I have a wonderful book about caring for and coping with a loved one with dementia. It is called "Contented Dementia". I'd be more than happy for you to borrow it as it gives great advice and support. My dad had Alzheimer's and in the end it was decided that for his sake and for mum's sake he was to go into a home. He had been going there for regular respite care and went 4 days a week as a day patient so the move was more traumatic for us than for my dad. Yes, you do feel guilty but you also have to think of the health of the carer. My mum ended up in hospital a couple of days after my dad was admitted full time to the home as she had run herself into the groud trying to do the "right thing" Who says it's the right thing? We were lucky that my dad died fairly quickly as he also had lung cancer which could not be treated due to the Alzheimer's. It was lucky as he died peacefully in his sleep with his dignity intact. Stay strong and do the right thing for YOUR family.

kaiserphil


Joined: 14/12/2008
Posts: 1096

Message Posted:
06/02/2012 14:25

Msg 37 - parkview. There is some form of financial aid, but not very much. The cost to the individual is 3,500 to 4,000 euros per month. Like I said, it is big business.

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
06/02/2012 15:12

Hi Delia,



Not sure if you do Facebook but I have this on my homepage as I have always supported them.



http://www.facebook.com/alzheimerssocietyuk



http://www.lewybody.co.uk/NEWS/?p=303



http://mommyhero.blogspot.com/2012/01/my-best-budha-named-ruthie.html



http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200121



I am sure you have all information but some of the above links may help you and your sister. xx



Spider,X

parkview



Joined: 12/03/2009
Posts: 1123

Message Posted:
06/02/2012 17:04

I have to say thank you all for taking the time responding to this posting, it has touched me so much. you do not realise how many people are affected by this awful illness. There is no right or wrong just a prayer that someone will not have to suffer too long. And my heart goes out to all the families that have to deal with this.



Delia

parkview



Joined: 12/03/2009
Posts: 1123

Message Posted:
06/02/2012 18:13

Spider just wanted to say a big thank you for sending the above links, I have read them and could not stop crying especially the mommyhero blog, it brings it all home and I have sent to my sister in the UK.

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
06/02/2012 21:25

Delia.



Your more than welcome and you have my number.

Dementia and all who suffer with this are close to my heart.







Spider,X

joandjelly


Joined: 24/02/2008
Posts: 2953

Message Posted:
06/02/2012 23:33

This is also close to my heart having lost my Mum to Alzheimers 6 years ago. I didn't move to Cyprus until after she had passed away but I can understand completely what you are going through. I would say though, that as it seems that currently you and your sister do not agree completely on your Mum's care this would still be the situation if you were in the UK. My Mum went into a private residential home when it got to the point that my Dad could no longer cope with her personal care and it was affecting his health (and their relationship) quite badly. The problem we had was that despite my Mum's care being fully funded by the family, Social Services still had the final say in whether she could go into the home or not. Their view was that the family should do more to keep her at home. They say they are justified in making the final decision because once all your money is used up they would have to take over the funding.

Cont'd

joandjelly


Joined: 24/02/2008
Posts: 2953

Message Posted:
06/02/2012 23:40

Anyway, to cut a long story short, my Mum went into the home which was lovely and she was well cared for. Having said that at first we were quite shocked at the state of the carpets, bed linen etc but you soon get used to that as long as the staff are kind and the care is good. You do need to prepare yourself for the fact that your Mum will probably go downhill quite rapidly as everything is done to make it easy for the staff. For example, residents are washed daily but may only have their hair washed once a week and if you are used to your Mum being well turned out then this can be a big shock. They also only wanted her to wear skirst (Mum always wore trousers) because it makes toileting easier. All these things are hard to accept at the beginning but you will get used to it and we had far more peace of mind knowing Mum was looked after 24/7 and it meant that my Dad could visit without the pressure of being in charge which improved their relationship.

joandjelly


Joined: 24/02/2008
Posts: 2953

Message Posted:
06/02/2012 23:41

My heart goes out to you and your family and I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.

Jo

gloox


Joined: 05/02/2012
Posts: 4

Message Posted:
07/02/2012 05:08

My husbands mother had to go into a care home recently with dementiahe is so happy and has many friends there and is well looked after 24 hours a day .