Just 4 Lilli Oh dear rule whatever broke

Taz666


Joined: 21/12/2008
Posts: 180

Message Posted:
05/01/2009 22:25

I went in to the pet shop and said 'can I buy a goldfish?' the guy said 'do you want an aquarium?' I said 'I don't care what star sign it is'



I went to buy a watch and the man in the shop said 'Analogue' I said 'no just a watch.



I went to the doctors, I said to him I'm frightened of lapels. He said 'You've got cholera'



I met a bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, its P something T something R



I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke that answered just went on and on.



The job centre said to me 'what do you think of voluntary work?' I said ' I would'nt do it if you paid me'



I told my mum that I was opening a theatre. She said ' Are you having me on?' I said 'well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising anything.

Taz666


Joined: 21/12/2008
Posts: 180

Message Posted:
05/01/2009 23:05

Ok Lilli just 4 you

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
05/01/2009 23:41

TAZ THANK YOU THANK YOU I HAVE JUST READ ALL THE OTHER JOKES AND I HAVE TOTALLY CRACKED UP. YOU LOT HAVE MADE ME REALLY HAVE A GOOOD LAUGH AND I HAVENT DONE THAT IN A VERY LONG TIME. I AM SORRY BUT THE CAPS ARE LOCKED I PROMISE IM NOT SHOUTING. GOOD NIGH AND GOD BLESS AND AGAIN THANK YOU LOL LILI XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Taz666


Joined: 21/12/2008
Posts: 180

Message Posted:
05/01/2009 23:44

Your welcome Lilli and thank you

snakes



Joined: 28/10/2008
Posts: 1512

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 13:22

new cookery program scheduled for UK ! ready steady crook ! 1st you nick a chicken !!

how to make a "jewish omlette" 1st you borrow 3 eggs !!!

simbas



Joined: 16/07/2007
Posts: 5943

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 13:26

You are very naughty Snakes .

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 13:29

On the subject of cooking..........



A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their life-style.



"If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef."



"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener."

The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 13:32

This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.



I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'



I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, but it's T something O something, something S.

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 13:32

hi snakes very funny happy new year both when are you bback xx

The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 13:35

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'



This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says 'Audi!'



I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, but it's T something O something, something S.



I think thats enough from me. P

snakes



Joined: 28/10/2008
Posts: 1512

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 17:21

watcha lil ! we back on 21st for week to arrange final alterations of villa then hope to move early april !!

another casualty of credit squeeze today ! Spillers the pet food giant called in the retrievers !! oops sorry

see ya

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 17:23

snakes you had me going therexxx

snakes



Joined: 28/10/2008
Posts: 1512

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 17:29

simbas !! no offence meant just light hearted fun ! happy new year

w26kay



Joined: 14/10/2007
Posts: 479

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 19:05

I knicked a turkey from Asda today. As I was running through the doors, the security guard shouted "eh what you doin with that"? I turned round and shouted back, "sprouts, roasties and cranberry sauce you nosey b*****d".

w26kay



Joined: 14/10/2007
Posts: 479

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 19:10

Things are so bad witht he credit crunch in the UK that women are resorting to making love to their husbands because they can't afford the price of the batteries!

Taz666


Joined: 21/12/2008
Posts: 180

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 20:53

w26Kay

thats why I'm getting weekly, used to be yearly, thanks for the info

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 20:57

Kay, that's the SAGA group. Sex Annually, Generally August.

Cypfan


Joined: 10/10/2008
Posts: 104

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 21:02

Msg 15,



"women are resorting to making love to their husbands because they can't afford the price of the batteries!"



Plus they'd managed to knock all their fillings out.

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 22:48

thank you kay noi cyp and all of you i cant even remember a punch line maybe i should just remember a battery love you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lemtich



Joined: 15/02/2007
Posts: 1487

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 23:02

What's green, got six legs and if it fell out of a tree on you, would kill you?



Lem

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 23:03

lem plaese tell xxxxx

Lemtich



Joined: 15/02/2007
Posts: 1487

Message Posted:
06/01/2009 23:04

A snooker table!

Steve1953



Joined: 04/12/2008
Posts: 298

Message Posted:
07/01/2009 12:13

Who put the P in alphabet soup?