JOKE: Game show questions and answers

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 10:13

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman:

What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?

Contestant:

Homosexuals.

Jeremy Paxman:

No... They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.



BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston:

Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant:

Geography isn't my strong point.

Jamie Theakston:

There's a clue in the title.

Contestant:

Leicester. .

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 10:14

BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White:

Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:

I don't know.

Stewart White:

I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant:

Arm

Stewart White:

Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?

Contestant:

Strong.

Stewart White:

Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant:

Louis

Stewart White:

Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:.

Frank Sinatra?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 10:14

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )

Alex Trelinski:

What is the capital of Italy ?

Contestant:

France.

Trelinski:



France is another country. Try again.

Contestant:

Oh, um, Benidorm.

Trelinski:

Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

Contestant:

Sorry, I don't know.

Trelinski:

Just guess a country then.

Contestant:

Paris...



THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson:

Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?

Contestant:

The Conservative Party.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 10:15

BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )

DJ Mark:

For £10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis:

I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?



UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoyne:

What was Gandhi's first name?

Contestant:

Goosey?



GWR FM ( Bristol )

Presenter:

What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

Contestant:

I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.



PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER )

Phil:

What's 11 squared?

Contestant:

I don't know.

Phil:

I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant:

Is it five?.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 10:15

RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:

Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

Contestant:

Forrest Gump.



RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:

On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant:

Er. . ..

Richard:

He makes bread . . .

Contestant:

Er . ......

Richard:

He makes cakes . . .

Contestant:

Kipling Street ?



LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter:

Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant:

Barcelona.

Presenter:

I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant:

I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain. .

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 10:16

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question:

What is the world's largest continent?

Contestant:

The Pacific.



ROCK FM ( PRESTON )

Presenter:

Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.

Contestant:

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?



THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre:

What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant:

Magna Carta?



JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

James O'Brien:

How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant:

Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER .... Three?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 10:17

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )

Chris Searle:

In which European country is Mount Etna ?

Caller:

Japan...

Chris Searle:

I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.

Caller:

Er .... Mexico ?



PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )

Paul Wappat:

How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (long pause):

Fourteen days.



DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham:

In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant:

Holland ?

Daryl Denham:

Try the next letter of the alphabet.

Contestant:

Iceland ? Ireland ?

Daryl Denham: (helpfully)

It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

Contestant:

No...

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 10:18

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Phil Wood:

What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant:

Er. .. ....

Phil Wood:

It's got two syllables . . . Kor . .

Contestant:

Blimey?

Phil Wood:

Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ..

Contestant:

(Silence)

Phil Wood:

OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . .. .

Contestant:

Walked?



THE VAULT

Melanie Sykes:

What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

Contestant:

Nostalgia.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 10:18

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

Presenter:

What religion was Guy Fawkes?

Contestant:

Jewish.

Presenter:

That's close enough.



STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)

Wright:

Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?

Contestant:

Jesus..

Chessman


Joined: 13/05/2008
Posts: 486

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 10:37

Don't you just love it! Bill, got any Family Fortune ones. I have forgotten practically all of them now. The only one I can remember is a contestant was asked to ''name a dangerous race'' and he said - Arabs!

cronos


Joined: 26/10/2008
Posts: 2093

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 10:41

Chessman....another was "Name a bird with a long neck".......and the contestant said "Naomi Campbell" !

Chessman


Joined: 13/05/2008
Posts: 486

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 10:42

Cronos



LMAO!

Skogsy


Joined: 15/05/2008
Posts: 339

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 10:49

Or a bird with a big bill on its face..................Monika

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 11:03

Geoff. I think these were some Family Fortunes ones.



Q. Name a famous brother and sister

A. Bonnie & Clyde



Q. Name a dangerous race

A. The Arabs



Q. Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers

A. A horse



Q. Name something that floats in the bath

A. Water



Q. Name something you wear on the beach

A. A deckchair



Q. Name something Red

A. My cardigan



Q. Name a famous royal

A. Mail



Q. Name a number you have to memorise

A. 7



Q. Name something in the garden that's green

A. Shed



Q. Name something that flies that doesn't have an engine

A. A bicycle with wings



Q. Name something you might be allergic to

A. Skiing



Q. Name a famous bridge

A. The bridge over troubled waters.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 11:04

Q. Name something a cat does

A. Goes to the toilet



Q. Name something you do in the bathroom

A. Decorate



Q. Name an animal you might see at the zoo

A. A dog



Q. Name something associated with the police

A. Pigs



Q. Name a sign of the zodiac

A. April



Q. Name something slippery

A. A conman



Q. Name a kind of ache

A. Fillet 'O' Fish (?)

Q. Name a food that can be brown or white

A. Potato

Q. Name a jacket potato topping

A. Jam



Q. Name a famous Scotsman

A. Jock.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 11:05

Q. Name something with a hole in it

A. Window



Q. Name a non-living object with legs

A. Plant



Q. Name a domestic animal

A. Leopard



Q. Name a part of the body beginning with 'N'

A. Knee



Q. Name a way of cooking fish

A. Cod



And my favourite...

Q. Name something you open other than a door

A. Your bowels

Amber


Joined: 26/09/2008
Posts: 561

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 11:32

I just love that - what was Gandihs first name - Goosey (Message 4)

The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 11:37

Bill I think you have to much time on your hands, but amusing all the same.

Paul

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 12:10

You're probably right Paul. Credit crunch and all that!

kajagoogoo


Joined: 13/01/2009
Posts: 1

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 12:17

I miss family fortunes it was a gas.

The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 14:02

Family Fortunes is back hosted by Vernon Kaye, I often get mistaken for him..................... or was it Peter Kaye?

Paul

The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 14:04

Bill - just seen a clip from All Star Family Fortunes to be broadcast this Saturday.



Vernon Kaye

"Name a food that would be difficult to eat if you had false teeth"



Jenny Bond

"jelly"

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 14:04

Peter Kaye is a very funny man. Vernon Kaye is married to the girl who hosts with Brucie the strictly come dancing show, isn't he Paul?

Chessman


Joined: 13/05/2008
Posts: 486

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 14:07

The Wicks



Seeing your refernce to Peter Kay and your profession reminded me of the episode of Phoenix Nights and the character Keith Lard. Did you ever see it? Caused quite a stir!

The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 14:11

Bill, yes Peter Kaye is the overweight funny man & Vernon is married to Tess Daly, lucky bloke.

Chessman I did not get into Peter Kaye until after he had done Phoenix Nights so I have not seen that one.

Paul

cronos


Joined: 26/10/2008
Posts: 2093

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 15:17

Chessman....yes the Keith Lard stuff was funny.



There are many "Dog lovers" posting on here.....but Keith took that love to another level !!

Chessman


Joined: 13/05/2008
Posts: 486

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 15:48

cronos



LOL. Absolutely mate. It cost the producers of phoenix Nights a bit of money and a big apology. It was well worth it though, for me and you anyway!

Kitty1


Joined: 15/03/2007
Posts: 683

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 15:52

And me...I think that episode is possibly the best of the 2 series. The psychic in it was really funny too.



But going back to Keith Lard, here is an article about the apology that Peter Kay and Channel 4 had to make. I know they said it was a co-incidence, but...



http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/1145897.stm

Jayne


Joined: 01/12/2008
Posts: 499

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 15:54

This was a funny lighthearted thread to read - enjoyed it very much!

Kitty1


Joined: 15/03/2007
Posts: 683

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 15:59

And taking the thread back on track, there was apparently a contestent on the Weakest Link who was asked which member of the royal family had appeared on "A Question of Sport"...



His answer was "Ricky Tomlinson".



Thankfully I didn't say anything that daft when I was facing Ann Robinson!

Chessman


Joined: 13/05/2008
Posts: 486

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 15:59

Nice one kitty 1



The psychic, yes. ''I'm getting the word.....''?



Sorry, I am off on one now!

Kitty1


Joined: 15/03/2007
Posts: 683

Message Posted:
15/01/2009 16:05

LOL! "Don't worry love, you'll still be able to visit."



Sorry...thought I'd join in with Chessman.