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Turbo
Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 833
Message Posted:
17/01/2009 01:01 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 1 of 13 in Discussion |
| Hey guys thought you would like to see these!
>
> My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
> channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
>
> I said, 'Dust.'
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
>
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
> anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
> 150
> in about 3 seconds.'
>
> I bought her a scale.
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>
>
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
> someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
> ---------
>
>
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
> for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
> driver's license to verify my |
Turbo
Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 833
Message Posted:
17/01/2009 01:04 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 2 of 13 in Discussion |
|
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
> for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
> driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and
> realized
> I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very
> sorry,
> but I would have to go home and come back later.
>
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt
> revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your
> chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
> application.
>
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience
> at the Social Security office.
>
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have
> gotten disability, too.'
>
> And then the fight started... |
Turbo
Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 833
Message Posted:
17/01/2009 01:05 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 3 of 13 in Discussion |
| My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
> reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
> she sat alone at a nearby table.
>
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
>
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she
> took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I
>
> hear she hasn't been sober since.'
>
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
> celebrating that long?'
>
> And then the fight started...
>
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
>
>
>
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason,
> took my order first.
>
> "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
>
> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
>
> Nah, she can order for herself."
>
> And then the fight started...
> |
Turbo
Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 833
Message Posted:
17/01/2009 01:05 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 4 of 13 in Discussion |
| A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
> 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
> I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
>
> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
>
> And then the fight started.....
>
> ------------ --------- --------- ------
>
> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light
> for $14.95.
>
> Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
>
> I told her the beer would make her look better at night than
> the cold cream.
>
> And then the fight started....
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- -----
>
> My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I
> told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
>
> and then the fight started.....
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
>
> A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
>
> Sudde |
Turbo
Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 833
Message Posted:
17/01/2009 01:07 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 5 of 13 in Discussion |
| A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
>
> Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from
> outside.
>
> The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at
> the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
>
> So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out
> the window.. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn
> bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
>
> A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
> screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
>
> The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
>
> And then the fight started...... |
Turbo
Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 833
Message Posted:
17/01/2009 01:08 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 6 of 13 in Discussion |
| Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
> lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage..
>
> I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back
> out into a torrential downpour.
>
> The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,
> turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad
> all
> day.
>
> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
> back into bed.
>
> I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
> anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
>
> My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid
> husband is out fishing in that?'
>
> And then the fight started ... |
Turbo
Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 833
Message Posted:
17/01/2009 01:08 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 7 of 13 in Discussion |
| I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
>
> It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
> "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
>
> So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
>
> And that's when the fight started....
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
>
> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
> we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have
> sex?"
>
> "No," she answered.
>
> I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
>
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
>
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>
> And that's when the fight started.... |
Turbo
Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 833
Message Posted:
17/01/2009 01:17 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 8 of 13 in Discussion |
| I guess Lemitch will close this thread too, seeing that it has nout to do with Cyprus,
What the flying f**k does this joke have to do with TRNC?
turbo |
japal
Joined: 12/08/2008
Posts: 89
Message Posted:
17/01/2009 02:48 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 9 of 13 in Discussion |
| Great jokes Turbo.........keep `em coming |
Lilli
Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081
Message Posted:
17/01/2009 09:18 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 10 of 13 in Discussion |
| hi turbo great jokes bring in all the humour y can we need it. i think we are all suffering from january blues xxx |
Harold2555
Joined: 19/04/2008
Posts: 1139
Message Posted:
17/01/2009 11:06 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 11 of 13 in Discussion |
| Turbo
These were fantastic jokes and your wish has been granted
Harold2555 |
JamesB
Joined: 07/02/2007
Posts: 450
Message Posted:
17/01/2009 11:10 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 12 of 13 in Discussion |
| Nice one Turbo |
cooper
Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 3386
Message Posted:
17/01/2009 11:10 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 13 of 13 in Discussion |
| Very good Turbo. |
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