Let's have a laugh...jokes...good and bad

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
16/07/2009 23:45

A 78 year old women was stepping out of the bath and got a pain in her chest.



she thought to herself "i'm having a heart attack"



until she noticed she was standing on her left tit..



...............................................

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
16/07/2009 23:46

What are Michael Jackson, Jade Goddy and Farrah Fawcett expecting for xmas?

























Patrick Swayze

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
16/07/2009 23:47

Why do men like to be on the bottom during sex?



















Because they only know how to F... up

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
16/07/2009 23:50

Man comes home from work early, and catches his mate shagging his wife.



so he stabs his mate to death.



His wife says "if you carry on like that, you wont have any mates left"

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
16/07/2009 23:53

Husband standing in front of the mirror, admiring his naked body.



He says to the wife "look at that, 12 stone of pure dynamite"



She replies"Bloody shame about the 2 inch fuse"

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
16/07/2009 23:55

Paddy found some durex in his daughters bedroom



"bejesus, she's 16 years old and I didnt even know she had a penis"

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
16/07/2009 23:55

Filth..................

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
16/07/2009 23:56

Why did god give women thrush?















so they could get used to an irritating C...., before they married him

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
16/07/2009 23:56

Sorry Graham



I did say some were good and some were bad.....

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
16/07/2009 23:58

How are tornados and marriage alike.....











They both begin with alot of blowing and sucking, and then you loose your house

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
17/07/2009

billyboy1 , doesnt bother me............. lol

andy-f


Joined: 03/05/2009
Posts: 1256

Message Posted:
17/07/2009 00:05

bloke necks quadruple whiskey in one .bar man says wots up? bloke says "came home early from work and caught my wife shagging my best mate"

what did you do asked the bar man.

bloke says "i told her to pack her bags and fuck off"

what about your best mate says bar man?

"i looked him in the eye and said BAD DOG!

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
17/07/2009 00:11

You two on drugs? Not even funny or witty!



Richard

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
17/07/2009 00:23

Every one has a different sense of humour richard.....

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
17/07/2009 02:38

Oh well even i am not on the floor rolling about laughing tonight.and that sure makes a change.!!





Spider,X

MsGarnet


Joined: 04/01/2009
Posts: 989

Message Posted:
17/07/2009 11:23

A woman wanted to give her new husband (who was a bee keeper) a treat on their wedding night, so she went to a tattoo parlour and asked for a bee to be tattooed on each of her buttocks. On the wedding night, after a great party, they went up to bed. He got in to bed, and she went in to the bathroom to put her new nightie on, then came back into the doorway saying "I have a special treat for you, close your eyes for a few seconds, then open them again". When he closed his eyes, standing in the bathroom doorway, she turned her back to him, raised her new nightie, and bent over - saying "ok, you can open your eyes now".



He opened his eyes, she said "well, what do you think"? to which he replied............



"Who the hell is Bob"??????????

Carndi


Joined: 12/06/2009
Posts: 613

Message Posted:
17/07/2009 11:27

Paddy and Sean out in the country when Paddy needs to go to the toilet so goes behind a bush.

A few minutes later he shouts

'' Sean, have you any paper ? ''

Sean says '' No. Use a docken leaf ''

Paddy '' Theres no docken leafs ''

Sean. '' Well ! You will have to use a £5 note ''



A few moments later Paddy comes out and his hands are covered in you know what.



Sean '' Jeasis Paddy. Did you not use a £5 note like I told you ''

Paddy '' I did'ent have a £5 note so I used 4 £1 coins and 2 50 pence pieces

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
17/07/2009 11:30

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
17/07/2009 11:32

The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
17/07/2009 11:33

One day grandpa says to grandma "Why don't we go to the motel like we used to do when we were young and get kinky?" So they get to the motel and go into the room. Grandpa takes off his glasses and says he going to get into the shower to freshen up. In the meantime grandma takes off her clothes and gets into bed. She decides to do some leg stretches to limber up ( it's been awhile ). Well she throws her legs over her head and they get caught in the headboard. Right then grandpa walks out of the bathroom and sees her that way. "My God woman" he says "you need to put your teeth in and comb your hair, you look like an a***hole.

yorgozlu



Joined: 16/06/2009
Posts: 4437

Message Posted:
17/07/2009 12:52

A young boy asks his dad how to spell "CLITORIS"

His dad replies

"You should have asked me that last night son,it was on the tip of my tongue!"

Carndi


Joined: 12/06/2009
Posts: 613

Message Posted:
17/07/2009 13:55

Paddy wakes up at 2.30 am because there is someone yelling in the street.

'' Help. Could someone give me a push ''

Paddy leans out the window and says. Sure it's 2.30 in the morning.Stop that yelling ''.

The voice says '' A sure you could just give me a quick push ''

Paddy '' Go away with ye ''.

Paddys wife Molly from her bed says '' Paddy. Remember when you broke down someone helped you ''

Paddy '' Your right Molly dear. I forgot ''.

Paddy shouts out the window . ''Hold on I'm comming '' and then gets dressed and goes down stairs.

Paddy opens the front door and shouts '' Where are you ? '' .

The voice replied '' Over here on the swings ''

yorgozlu



Joined: 16/06/2009
Posts: 4437

Message Posted:
17/07/2009 15:32

Jhonny walks in to his parents bedroom and sees his dad giving his mum one,his dad just loughs,throws a pillow at him and shouts,get out

A little while later Jhonny's dad hears a commotion coming from Jhonny's room,he rushes in and is horrified to see Jhonny s***ing his gran

Jhonny just looks at him and says "not so f***ing funny when its your mum is it?