Joke: scraping the barrel now

IvorBankloan



Joined: 14/08/2009
Posts: 179

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 21:38

Last night in the pub we had a singing competion

The compare asked all the men to get up 1 by 1 and sing a song about a woman's name



Bruce sarted with waltsing Matilda...................... 9 points

Bert was leading with Oh Suzanah ......................10 points

Rastus wasn't so good with Black bottom girls.......no points

Murphey won singing Ada,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,you with the stars in your eyes

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 21:40

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.



After a week of this, she can't stand it and takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.



The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"









The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."

IvorBankloan



Joined: 14/08/2009
Posts: 179

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 21:41

Oh Hector !!

Turtle


Joined: 28/05/2007
Posts: 2669

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 21:43

Hector ;) ;)

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 21:45

Msg 1 An old one



24 years living next door to Alice; 'Alice, who the f.... is Alice?!



Richard

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 21:50

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'



The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.'



The guy left.



A few days later, the same guy stuck his head

in the door and asked,



'How long before I can get a haircut?'



The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'



The guy left.



A week later, the same guy stuck his head in

the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?*

The barber looked around the shop and said,

'About an hour and a half .'



The guy left.



The barber turned to his friend and said,



'Hey, Bob, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes.



He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back.'



A little while later, Bob returned to the shop,laughing.



The barber asked, 'So, where does that guy go

when he leaves?'



Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes



and s

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 21:51

and said



'Your house'

magicart


Joined: 05/10/2008
Posts: 985

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 21:51

How do you pull a fat bird?



Its a piece of cake!!

doddies


Joined: 16/02/2009
Posts: 102

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 21:53

Give me ANY womans name and within seconds i`ll sing a song with that name in.











it starts....."Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you..............

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 21:54

My missus has just gone into hospital with two black eyes and a broken jaw. It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking on the patio.