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Is it right to ask for money?

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No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 15:51

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Message 1 of 33 in Discussion

We were invited to a wedding recently. The invitation expressed that the happy couple would prefer a financial gift.



Is this right? Should we ignore it and buy a gift or give vouchers?



jimmyG


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 900

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 15:57

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Message 2 of 33 in Discussion

Don't see anything wrong with this at all - happy to give so they can buy what they want.



jamestalbot


Joined: 20/12/2009
Posts: 958

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 16:02

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Message 3 of 33 in Discussion

I don't see anything wrong in this at all, I believe it is quite common in some cultures, and any way they can buy what they want/need instead of getting 6 sets of glasses or pans etc, also they may not want to shop in the shops you get the vouchers from, but it's up to you.



Regards James



Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 16:05

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Message 4 of 33 in Discussion

I think that's bang out of order! 'We are getting married, will pay for drinks and food at our reception but here's our wedding gift list so buy an expensive present for us!'.

If you know them well, which you should do by being invited, use a little imagination. A painting, silver plated wine goblets, or something else personal from yourselves.



Richard



hattikins


Joined: 17/02/2008
Posts: 2793

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 16:15

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Message 5 of 33 in Discussion

Sometimes if one or both of the couple have been married etc before they have all the household items already, in which case money is probably more useful, not sure how I'd feel if it were a couple of first timers so to speak.



elko2



Joined: 24/07/2007
Posts: 4400

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 16:19

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Message 6 of 33 in Discussion

It is an entirely a voluntary thing to donate some money or not. Usually it is so much easier to donate than go shopping for a present but if you want to be remembered by the present you give, go ahead. On the other hand, if its a wedding where you queue up to congratulate and get a piece of small cake, 20 TL each for bride and bridegroom is quite in order. If there is a meal to go with it, then I would say 50TL each but it is entirely up to you. BTW, if ytou attend as a couple, normally the man gives something to cover both of you.

ismet



jamestalbot


Joined: 20/12/2009
Posts: 958

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 16:24

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Message 7 of 33 in Discussion

I remember when I was married many years ago now, we ended up with many things that we had 6 or more of and also things we would never buy. What is personal and nice to you is not necessarily what they want/need.



Many of the things we got, we would not have bought ourselves, so they were put into cupboard and never used, what is the point of that, let them choose what they need, and not what you think they need.



Anyhow it's your choice not mine.



Regards



James



billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 16:27

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Message 8 of 33 in Discussion

There was a thing on tv last week about wedding gifts...the top 2 requests for gifts are



money



and



holiday vouchers



helps pay for the honeymoon...the average cost of a wedding in UK is apparently 20k



I would certainly not spend that sort of money.....



LisaCedyNZach


Joined: 21/07/2009
Posts: 30

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 16:33

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Message 9 of 33 in Discussion

DO NOT BUY VOUCHERS. My husband recently celebrated a *Special Birthday* and was given vouchers for various shops in the UK.

3 of the shops have gone in to recievership, and the vouchers are now worth nothing , and one shop said you have you have to match the value of vouchers with cash to spend them!!!



Give your friends money, they obviously feel they know you enough to ask for money, no matter what you give them.

I got 3 kettles and four irons when I got married, even though Id asked for money, and I remember who bought them for me.



Lisa



Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 16:36

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Message 10 of 33 in Discussion

Following on from Hattikins (I was going to say that), also, many couples these days who are getting married have lived together and built up a home during that time.



Personally, I'd rather give vouchers than cash. Tricky.



As billyboy rightly points out, the average cost of a wedding is huge. Something to be thought about carefully I'd say, particularly as the divorce rate is still very high.



No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 16:40

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Message 11 of 33 in Discussion

It's not a free bar and it's a buffet. Does this make you think differently?



Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 16:43

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Message 12 of 33 in Discussion

Bill, well....................I know it probably shouldn't, but if I were being honest, I think it would.



PS I am not a cheapskate - honestly



elko2



Joined: 24/07/2007
Posts: 4400

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 16:45

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Message 13 of 33 in Discussion

Weddings locally is becoming a big pain in the back. It is normal to visit 3-6 weddings a week during the summer i.e. the weddinbg season and it is a big drain on time and money purse.



Basically there are two types of weddings, one with a meal and one without. for the one with a meal each side normally gives out invitations to 100 couple each. For a no meal wedding, each side gives out about 1000-2000 invitations and oh boy, it is a real problem giving out those invitations. Normally it is considered bad manners to send them out by post, each has to be given individually. At some extremes, some older people will not accept the invitation if handed over on the street when you see them, they expect a private visit to their homes. And of course most flats and apartments ahve no nemes written on them and in any case most of them moved recently. So giving out invitations is an exhaustive business for the locals.

ismet



Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 16:51

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Message 14 of 33 in Discussion

Money-shmunny...



In many countries you pin money to the bride and groom before they leave for their honeymoon... In which case money is definitely the order of the day... you'd look daft trying to pin a toaster to the bride.



As Ismet indicates, don't feel obliged to make an enormous donation for fear of looking cheap. 100TL for two guests is a reasonable gift if they want money.



I think, knowing a young lady in the throws of getting married here, the bride and groom like to go out before the wedding and pretty much kit out their new home with their taste in chattels.... This is part of the fun and they have their own ideas of style etc. If one bought them a gift they might think "do they not know we have bought all that we need".



However if you really want to be remembered... get yourself videoed stealing the wedding gifts like a guest did at one wedding I saw on TV.



No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 16:56

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Message 15 of 33 in Discussion

"In many countries you pin money to the bride and groom before they leave for their honeymoon... In which case money is definitely the order of the day... you'd look daft trying to pin a toaster to the bride."



Gavin. You could wind the cord round her neck! )



Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 16:59

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Message 16 of 33 in Discussion

Bill



Good point, but where the hell would you pin the set of saucepans?



Shame the couple don't want gifts - you could always do a Del Boy and swap the set of crockery you got cheap from the Chinese take-away and swop the gift tags with the set of Royal Doulton



No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 17:08

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Message 17 of 33 in Discussion

Jean. I'm working on it. )



Dusterbruce


Joined: 03/08/2007
Posts: 1125

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 18:17

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Message 18 of 33 in Discussion

My nephew remarried a couple of years ago, it was his bride's second time as well, so bringing the contents of two homes together meant that they had everything they needed.

They specifically asked that a donation in lieu of a present was made to their favourite charity.

I thought it was a good idea.



Chelpet


Joined: 10/03/2010
Posts: 253

Message Posted:
10/05/2010 18:45

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Message 19 of 33 in Discussion

We were invited to a wedding in Lefkosa a few hours after we arrived on out first visit to NC and our friend who took us said to pin money to the brides dress, which we did and then were given a small token gift in return, must admit it took us back a bit as we didnt go to the wedding party until 11.30 pm which was being held in a square in Lefkosa, and we were treated like honored guests dispite only knowing the people that took us there, it was quite an eye opener, but we were glad we went even though both of us were completely knackered, and we didnt get back to hotel until 3.30 am



HNComputers


Joined: 23/08/2009
Posts: 472

Message Posted:
11/05/2010 10:24

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Message 20 of 33 in Discussion

Hmm sounds like a typical Turkish wedding



daisy dukes


Joined: 06/09/2008
Posts: 3815

Message Posted:
11/05/2010 11:10

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Message 21 of 33 in Discussion

Doesn't anyone think it's weird inviting total strangers to a wedding? I remember i had been here a week or 2, and on my way to the local shop, i had been given 3 invites to a wedding, and i remember thinking...have we met somewhere before and i have forgotten?



It was quite surreal....so i asked someone if is was normal, and they said yes...but if you go, you will be expected to give them some money (20TL), and in return you will get a small glass of orange juice....this seemed a little excessive to me, and i felt like it was a bit cheeky.



Call me odd, but i have always been under the impression that weddings were for family and friends...also i think a monetary gift is perfectly acceptable....for my friends and family members....not so sure about giving money to folk getting married that i do not know....seems to me a pretty fun way to make a few quid....





DD



NanaJan



Joined: 15/10/2009
Posts: 90

Message Posted:
11/05/2010 11:24

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Message 22 of 33 in Discussion

We used to give out lists of items that we would like and often you just ticked the item and then wrapped the gift and gave it to the couple on the day. They used to go from a set of pegs and a washing line to perhaps dinner services and so guests could choose what they could afford to spend.

This last year a cousin's daughter was getting married to a pilot and she put on her list "flying lessons" for herself and they cost 150 per lesson. Now that was a blooming cheek and as far as I know she did not get them.



Money is a nice gift but do not feel obliged to give a massive amount. It all adds up for the couple.



It has got these days you are afraid to be invited in the UK. Cost of outfits, taxi, gifts, you could have a holiday on the cost of it all.



wearytravellers



Joined: 27/04/2007
Posts: 250

Message Posted:
11/05/2010 11:49

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Message 23 of 33 in Discussion

CASH evrerytime UNLESS there is a wedding list at a specific shop. That way the Groom can get himself down the Casino



JamesB


Joined: 07/02/2007
Posts: 450

Message Posted:
11/05/2010 12:18

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Message 24 of 33 in Discussion

I thought the banner was about the donations for the site,

which I personally dont agree with, I presume companies pay to advertise on, here that should generate enough revenue to cover costs and make a profit. Thats business.

Just my views



JB



keithcaley



Joined: 13/06/2008
Posts: 2521

Message Posted:
11/05/2010 14:21

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Message 25 of 33 in Discussion

JamesB,

I agree with you that it would be best if advertising revenue supported the cost of running the forum.

Unfortunately, it doesn't...

Due to the need for a dedicated server, firewall, etc., (because of the recent cyber-attacks on this, and other boards) the annual cost has risen to around 13,000 per annum.

You can see a breakdown of costs and income here: - http://www.cyprus44.com/about/donate.asp

So if you feel like helping out ...



parky


Joined: 13/06/2009
Posts: 182

Message Posted:
11/05/2010 16:27

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Message 26 of 33 in Discussion

As far as I am aware it is traditional here, you wait in line for half an hour, give them a kiss, pin money on them, and receive a macaroon and a cigarette.



Harold2555



Joined: 19/04/2008
Posts: 1139

Message Posted:
11/05/2010 16:44

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Message 27 of 33 in Discussion

"No boxed Gifts" on the invite is the new polite way of begging for cash apparently.



I just wrap a toast rack up with crepe paper!



Harold



No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
11/05/2010 17:22

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Message 28 of 33 in Discussion

Messages 24+ 25. this thread is about giving money as a wedding present!



keithcaley



Joined: 13/06/2008
Posts: 2521

Message Posted:
11/05/2010 17:39

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Message 29 of 33 in Discussion

Bill,

I know, but I thought that it was worth replying to!



stellasstar1



Joined: 02/07/2008
Posts: 1519

Message Posted:
11/05/2010 21:09

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Message 30 of 33 in Discussion

To get back to the start of this thread, you don't say if it is a Cypriot wedding or an English(German etc) wedding. As Ismet says, it is the custom to stand in a line and pin money on the bride, and again depending if it's just a drink and macaroon or a proper sit down meal, depends on the amount of money you pin.



Again it is not like England when its just friends and family, here it's the whole village, and just because they might not know you, it doesn't really matter. When we first arived here we were thrilled to be invited to weddings and sonnets(not sure of spelling), but then after a while you pick and choose which ones you want to go to.



That is their custom, if you don't like it, don't go - simple.



Blackbird



Joined: 11/08/2009
Posts: 1432

Message Posted:
11/05/2010 21:54

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Message 31 of 33 in Discussion

I agree with several posts that say that the couple may have been married before. Not to each other!!! But to other partners.

Or, like my son who has lived with his girlfriend for several years and already have toasters and knives and forks and stuff.

Quite often the couple are either partially, or completely financing the wedding themselves. A financial gift would allow them to do more....or go away for a really lovely honeymoon.

And good luck to them



JamesB


Joined: 07/02/2007
Posts: 450

Message Posted:
11/05/2010 23:54

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Message 32 of 33 in Discussion

Bill, dont be petty, I was a member here before the forum had Forum admins, and

the title of the thread is "Is it right to ask for money" doesnt mention weddings.

;)

JB



nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
12/05/2010 08:13

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Message 33 of 33 in Discussion

Crikey when we got married (in the dark ages) we were grateful for any wedding gifts and I still use some of them today! It didn't matter to us if we got money or a gift it was just gracefully received.



Chris



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